HOLIDAY BLUES

I FEEL JUST TERRIBLE TODAY. I WAS CRYING AWHILE AGO. I CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING. CAN'T WORK DUE TO ILLNESS / CANCER AND SURGERY. I FEEL BAD BECAUSE I PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO MY SONS WEDDING IN THE BAHAMAS IN FEBRUARY. HE IS MY YOUNGEST. THIS MAKES ME FEEL ABSOLUTLY TERRIBLE. I FEEL LIKE I AM LETTING HIM DOWN AS WELL AS SARAH HIS WIFE TO BE.  OUR HOUSE WILL PROBABLY SOON BE IN FORECLOSURE TOO. I CAN'T PAY MY BILLS. I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL IN FEB, AUGUST, AND NOV. I JUST CAN'T GET GOING!!  I HAVE TROUBLE SNACKING AND AM CONSTANTLY NERVOUS AND HUNGRY.  MY WIFE AND I ARE BOTH UNDER A LOT OF STRESS. I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT. SHE MUST BE AN ANGEL ON EARTH. I FEAR FOR HER HEALTH AND HOW THIS IS AFFECTING HER. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. WOULD BE THE END OF ME IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO HER.  I AM A MONTH FROM BEING ABLE TO DO MY WORK. NO $$ FOR CHRISTMAS, BILLS ETC. I HAVE MY FIRST GRANDDAUGHTER WHO IS MY FIRST GRANDCHILD AND I CAN'T AFFORD A GIFT FOR HER. I THINK ABOUT SUICIDE SOMETIMES. BUT THE COUNSELING HAS HELPED WITH THAT. BUT I STILL THINK ABOUT IT. SOMETIMES I WISH THIS CANCER ETC WOULD TAKE ME.....PUT ME OUT OF THIS MISERY. I HAVE A STRONG BELIEF THAT GOD WILL CARE FOR US. I HOPE I DO WHAT IT TAKES TO RECEIVE HIS HELP AND BLESSINGS. I AM LOOKING FOR ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PULL OUT OF THIS.             I WANT MY SMILE BACK!!!!!!!