Holding Steady
My herstorical pattern has been to feel like the waters of domestic assumption are closing over my head whenever I return from my field projects. For sure, it was permeating my flu fog as I pushed myself to pack up for the return home last Sunday.
The flu --or whatever-- is still biting my ass every time I get up and try to get back to living. I barely have enough stamina to get a glass of water for myself, much less go guess-shopping for presents nobody needs. I have been letting myself stay in bed and delegating like a Royal We. SHOCK. . . Are my middle-aged cherubs acting more like the Adult end of the "Adult Child" moniker?
Dunno. . . My head is still a congested mess. Not processing well. Can't really tell a fever dream from a reality just now.
For sure, this Christmas is unique to my family experience. My 60 year old husband and adult sons have never had a Christmas which was not dictated by Mister and Missus Surname. The FIL's death in September changed that radically. Hubs is still haunted by the fact that no one is calling from that control center to inform him of the scheduled agenda.
My own tradition of December Therapy seems to still be paying off. The flashbacks continue to plague me, but they are remaining manageable in recent years. This year I think I have even been able to sound nostalgic when I attempted to speak the December traditions I was raised with. Sorta. Said nostalgia is still not qualifying for the Santa displays. Staging a Mister and Missus Surname Show remains quite beyond me, but nobody seems to be asking for one, so I am just rolling with it and being rewarded with hugs that feel both loving and respectful. I think. Repeat: Still not sure I can sort a reality from a fever dream right now.
Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. Slower is faster. Less is more.
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Footnote: Slower is faster.
My favorite engineering and construction mentors all wonder why nobody ever has the time to do ^it^ right but everybody has the time to do ^it^ over. It is faster to slow down and do ^it^ well the first time.
Hugs arfie, From the adult end of the child, the annual Christmas changed after the passing of the last parent. We tried and didn't do to bad as the orphans left in this world the following year. Much simpler, but most present out of seven plus families. Thoughts of "okay we can do this without the mother's orchestration" were going through our heads. A short sing song. The youngest of us passed on that new years eve. Since then it has not quite hit the beat and I have only put a play on of the spirit when socializing with the rest.. Working at it now again for the second time since John passed.
December has all kinds of landmines in it. But the immune system know longer fights the good fight as it did when I was younger..
Take care of that flu, drown it in fluids , move a mini fridge in next to you or one of those bells? Tang or whatever the favorite beverage of substance is. That flu may just be getting strength from the residuals of the months of post Surnames coping. the body takes cues from the emotional reactions at times.
Slower, simpler may be just what is needed for you and for all. Working at the reason for the season is much simpler.
Jewells
Something for you and the grands?
Christmas Cartoons for Children! Mickey Mouse Christmas Donald Duck Christmas!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv9auOQCCbs
J.
As an emotional orphan, the traditional parent-child succession remains a voyeuristic process for me. I do not believe watching members of my peer support network and now my husband pass through ^it^ is the same thing as going through ^it^ myself. With my own ^kids^ in middle age, my logical mind says the process should be well underway with my sons, but. . . Here I go again paying rent and buying cars for middle aged cherubs while I have to decide between tripping over their toys or picking up after them again.
Ditto for the 21st century Christmas Special. The kiddie whorehouse Christmas is still not ready for prime time in any season. For sure, it won't sell Christmas commercial spots.
The reason for the Christmas season? Is there one? During the years I was declaring December as my official therapy month, I tried using my lack of Christian membership as an excuse for a few years. Hah. Tried saying, "I am the world's lousiest shopper." No go. Tried, "Not much of a party animal." Etcetera, etceteri.
Winter Solstice works for me. I have profound respect for the impact of Winter Solstice, but it does not compute on a community level. Even my pagan friends love the tinsel, glitter and Santa paper.
Dunno. Think I will go back to bed now. I'll let the 3 year old grandson remain the Remote Master at Gammy's house. I enjoy his taste in cartoons. Little sister isn't old enough to care yet.
I was just telling youngest daughter this very thing "it's better to be slow and do well." Hope you get feeling better soon.