Holding Myself Accountable

I have found myself looking at Fb profiles and looking up information when bored out of my mind. Last night I told myself I cannot do this anymore. It only further's the thoughts and does not allow me to move forward. It keeps me prisoner to the behaviors I have worked so hard to stop.

I am making a resolution today to stop looking at Fb profiles or Google any information pertaining to AP and anyone else that I may come in contact with who gives me the "feel goods"-including latest guy whom I have stopped messaging.

I have no idea what drives those behaviors or why I get the little highs from it but it really is like feeding an addiction isn't it? It is like taking a hit off the crack pipe "just one more time, it wont hurt anyone." I know I cannot do this anymore. 

On top of this I am holding myself to only checking FB twice a day.  I thought a lot about this last night and realized I need to be more in tune with what is going on around me, enjoying life and not being so involved in technology. It wastes valuable time.

I go home soon. I will see newest guy as there is no way around that. I have no idea how he will react when he sees me and I have no idea how I will react. It could be a quick casual hi, a hug hello or chatting about our places of vacation. I admit I have feelings of worry that he could ignore me but that stems from the unknown and my insecurities. He has no reason to and the fact that I am even giving it thought says something doesn't it? I care more than I want to. :(

Luckily, he has no idea what goes on in this crazy head of mine. I think we both know there was "something" there but since we've never discussed it nor acted on it and I left at a very good time as we were talking more, I am hoping this time away has changed things to where it may be a little awkward and we can keep it at the casual friendship it is right now. I wish I didn't care so much.

Going to keep very busy which helps and leaves me less time to think.