Holding a grudge or holding accountable..?

When it comes to abuse towards us, my mother has told me we should forgive instead of holding grudges. She claims it's unhealthy.

Quite frankly, and I mean this in every possible offense towards her, I'm not going to take advice regarding abuse from someone who continues to drag her offspring through the dirt with her as she chases after validation from egotistical men because she's a codependent narcissist who keeps forgiving her abusers even though they don't change.

What's unhealthy is allowing people to walk all over you. What's unhealthy is accepting insincere apologies.

If holding people accountable for what they've done is "holding a grudge", then I will gladly hold a grudge towards people who have abused me until they change and are sincerely sorry for what they've done.

Saying you're sorry then repeating the same toxic behavior does not earn you forgiveness.

You don't get to walk back into my life or continue walking around in my life as though eveything is okay when you, the person who is suppose to care about me, keep hurting me.

The repeated toxic behavior usually means you're not sorry for what you've done. You're sorry for the consequences your actions brought you and the stain it possibly smeared upon your image.

It's either that or you don't care enough about me to change. I'm apparently not worth the effort.

I don't hold my bitterness every step of the way or allow my "grudge" to make me irrational. THAT would be unhealthy.

And it's funny to hear "you shouldn't hold grudges" from someone who constantly holds them against me, even for things that aren't even my fault.