Skip-a-Rope
GD (2) started to get fussy at the park playground yesterday. My Grandsense worried that it was signs of a cold or some such. 'Tis the season for colds and flu. As the fussing got fussier without any physical symptoms presenting, she started saying, "I scared." at random intervals. As the fussing escalated, she started clinging desperately to Daddy. Nobody but Daddy could rescue her from the descent down kid-safe stairs. A restless night was had by all. Daddy looks ready to drop and the clinging continues. Nobody but Daddy can pour coco puffs worth eating.
I find myself wondering, while reminding myself that projecting my strictly personal symptoms onto others is one of my meanest psych symptoms, if she is reliving the day when Mommy and Daddy had to be restrained by handcuffs. Big brother was in school and she was alone while she watched that romantic drama. Daddy doesn't remember where she was or what she was doing while he was busy with his STBX. The other grandparents are lovers of the great indoors and don't do parks. Daddy is the only one who takes her to parks and Daddy wasn't doing so well at jumping the STBX-in-law hyphen to take do that particular do.
Dunno. . . Venting. . . Sorting. . . Prayers in progress.
The 1967 song hit, "Skip-a-Rope" has been stuck in my head since the park yesterday.
Replies
strange Arfie, how some people/kids can remember 'everything' from youth, teen years...thinking i'm Blessed with 'No Memories" or at least only a few from my teen years and none from childhood years. Hoping the little one is going through a phase. When John was molested he would not talk, they used 'play' therapy and drawing as a way to get him to express his "feelings" of fear, verbal was not an option, Will have to check out your song later, off to "therapist"...she's going to get an ear full today:)...
"Forgive and Forget" was a family mantra in my childhood conditioning. I was so good at the forget part that the forgiving part was not an issue. Who needs to forgive what can be forgotten? I forgot my entire childhood. All of it. I was diagnosed with, "Trauma Induced Amnesia" in 1974 and couldn't understand why the shrinks kept saying it like it was a bad thing. It took me a decade or so to allow the correlation between the repressed memories and the nightmares, etc.
These days I believe memory blocks are a good triage for getting through the crisis, but not so effective for recovery. That field dressing not a fix. Just making the best of a bad situation. Healing measures still needed. Even for two-year-olds. Especially for two-year olds? C'mon kid, Don't you know you come from a long line of straight shooters?
Sigh. . .
Stepping small and praying big. . .
I suffer from severe memory blocks also but they are now beginning to come down & I find myself longing for that amnesia about my traumatic childhood. My psychiatrist says that I’m remembering this sudden flood of flashbacks rather than the usual ‘blackout’ flashbacks of my abuse before this year is a good sign that I’m healing. I wish I could feel the same as she does about it as lately my PTSD has switched to overdrive and is running daily demolition rallies right now.
My heart goes out to you & your GD. I’m familiar with that kind of worry. My youngest will be starting therapy soon as I have seen my worst fear of how my PTSD has affected her come true.
Hugs, support & love, Arfie!