Hitting below the belt
As I walked out of the bathroom after taking a shower, Wes asked if I would take off my shirt. He was sitting at computer table as he asked. I looked at him thinking if I didn't he'd hold it against me as he often does when I do not do as he asks. So, I said 'really?' and took off my shirt and put it back on. He looked at me and turned back to the computer. I had an attitude of 'WTH' was that?! I said, 'so that's it? You wanted to see if I would do as you aksed?' And he said 'yes'. Wow, really?! The rest of the night went on as usual
Two days later, he disturbs me in bed. I go to bed earlier than him as I have to get up at 6AM, he is retired and doesn't have to get up early. He says 'A husband should be able to ask his wife to take off her shirt at any time, and she should be willing to do so.' Here we go.....I told him he was a control freak. What am I, a kept woman who is supposed to obey every command?
I"ve been in the other bedroom now for 2 days. The first night was not pleasant as he kept trying to 'reason with me'. Telling me I had mental/emotional issues. I said yes I did, HIM! He then hit below the belt big time!
He brought up my former marriage, separation and divorce. He accused me of abandoning my youngest son. who was a junior in high school. Telling me how he and my other 3 children don't like me; that people are talking about me. how I've changed, how I don't wear makeup all the time, and the way I dress. I asked him to indentify these 'people', he of course could not.
He accuses me of not listening. What he's really doing is accusing me of not aggreeing with him.
Two days later, he disturbs me in bed. I go to bed earlier than him as I have to get up at 6AM, he is retired and doesn't have to get up early. He says 'A husband should be able to ask his wife to take off her shirt at any time, and she should be willing to do so.' Here we go.....I told him he was a control freak. What am I, a kept woman who is supposed to obey every command?
I"ve been in the other bedroom now for 2 days. The first night was not pleasant as he kept trying to 'reason with me'. Telling me I had mental/emotional issues. I said yes I did, HIM! He then hit below the belt big time!
He brought up my former marriage, separation and divorce. He accused me of abandoning my youngest son. who was a junior in high school. Telling me how he and my other 3 children don't like me; that people are talking about me. how I've changed, how I don't wear makeup all the time, and the way I dress. I asked him to indentify these 'people', he of course could not.
He accuses me of not listening. What he's really doing is accusing me of not aggreeing with him.
Replies
June 21
Tuesday we reconciled. I told him how deeply he hurt me, he apologized, I\'m thinking he just missed having me in the bed. ALL he wants to do is touch, touch, touch and feel. Morning noon and night and into the night. I don\'t get the deep sleep I need. If I say anything, he gets angry and pouts and pulls away completely.
June 22
We went to see \'Finding Dory\', did some window shopping at Hobby Lobby, and met Heidi and fmaily at Buffalo Wild WIngs. It was a good day. When we got home we spent 3 hours on the couch while Wes expressed deep thoughts about relationships. I\'m a more of the on the surface kind of person while he digs really, really deep. He overthinks, projects too far. He wants to cuddle more and talk. I feel we talk TOO much!
June 23
We cuddled in bed this morning, like he wanted. Then he asked to take my shirt off. I said something like, Does cuddling have to lead to sex? Why can\'t we cuddle and see where it goes? He says he wants and like the feel of bare skin. Okay, I get it. But I feel like I have to be \'ON\' all the time.
He told me to make an appointment with my doctor to discuss my post menopausal problems. He wants me on different meds.
WHAT!? I said....Do you think maybe I\'m irritated and tense because I feel like I have to be \'on\' all the time? He said I had a problem because I didn\'t feel like this in the beginning of our relationship 4 years ago. I admitted that perhaps I\'ve become complacent.
I work full time, he\'s retired. He\'s very needy, I\'m tired at the end of the day.
He wants more quality time. Okay, here\'s the deal. I will \'unplug\' when he unplugs or when he\'s done reading the newspaper. We both spend a lot of time on the internet. He\'s been complaining about my time on the internet. So I said, \'okay, deal\' He then came at me and said \'that won\'t happen\'. REALLY? He has doubt before we\'ve even started? Is there no pleasing him?
June 24
I\'ve been working on a simple wedding dress for my friend which was giving me some trouble last night. As I was grunting and groaning Wes asks me this random question, completely out of the blue! I couldn\'t answer him right away because I had to wrap my head around it and then answered him in a very short, curt way. He told me he didn\'t want me to make any more dresses because it frustrates me. I said it\'s not that bad, it may be frustrating but only for certain moments, and that he can\'t tell me what to do. His response? \'Well, you take your frustrations out on me.\" I told him it was because he asked me this off the wall question right in the middle of my ranting about the dress. I feel like I\'m married to a needy child.
This all sounds so controlling. He\'s very needy as you observed and controlling.
I left my recent ex over that. He\'s 62.
I can\'t abide that in a partner anymore.
You sound like such a nice lady. I hope you do whats right for YOU.
June 25
Wow what a night! I went to bed in the other bedroom like I have been. Wes must have come in at least 4 different times asking why I was there. Very, very long story short....the evening became physical on both of our parts. I punched him because he wouldn\'t get off me as he was trying to get into my pants. I mentioned marital rape and he backed off...for a while. There was a lot of pushing and shoving because he wouldn\'t let me by him. He took my phone and took my debit card that\'s linked to our joint checkng account (not the first time). I WIILL seek counseling on Monday, unfortunately I have to wait out the weekend. He was \'cordial\' this morning, returned my phone but not my card. He\'s gone for the day, we\'ll see what the evening brings.
Oh wow. Emjay I keep having to say this on these boards it seems- you are not his child. He\'s got no right to confiscate a darn thing. If he\'s miserable, he can leave and file for divorce. He can\'t force himself on you, confiscate your funds...wow.
I hope you are seriously thinking about this, because if it\'s tolerated now you\'re giving him a license to continue.
June 26
Another long evening with him trying to \'get across to me\' as to what I need to do to change. Hmmm...really. And what is he going to do I ask? He says \'nothing\', that I\'m the one with problems. Okay yes, I\'m at the end of my menopause plagued with mixed emotions, tired and irritable. I get sarcastic and snippy but darn it I\'m TIRED! Both physically and mentally! I point out his shortcomings, demands, expectations of what a wife shoud be, his constant need for attention, and he turns it all on me calling me a \'B\'. I can\'t wait for tomorrow to call the counselor for both me and him. We\'ll see how he reacts to that!
I was in a relationship just like yours. We were strangers in the night. Finally I walked out the door and bought my own house. I'm still in the relationship, but I love having my own space and doing what I want to do.
This man sounds abusive.
he sounds like a unpleasant arse. he has no right to do anything, sorry you have to deal with this. hugs.