History 1

I have decided to document the abuse that I’ve been dealing with, from the first red flags to some of the scarier incidents. I had started writing, and everything got erased. Ack! In the beginning it was very subtle, but there were a few red flags that I wish I had been more aware of. I really didn’t know that I was being emotionally abused until recently when I started reading up on it.  I’ve tried to approximate dates where able, and others are just general comments that I’ve dealt with over time.  *The first red flag, the one that should have made me run fast, the other way. Early 2001: “I am a firm believer in the double standard.”  *May - June 2001: I was talking to him about planning a birthday present for my father. I told him what I was planning to buy, and told him when I ordered it.  He asked, “What about boyfriends? All you’ve been talking about is your dad and his birthday. My birthday is coming up too. What are you doing for me?”  When I didn’t answer right away, “Yeah. It didn’t ever occur to you to do anything for my birthday.” I bought him something very nice and gave it to him. He accused me of going out to buy it because he pitched a fit about it.  Very jealous.  *Summer 2002: He had just started mountain biking. We had 2 bikes. I really wanted to try it, and thought it would be something fun we could do together.  I asked him to take me on a ride one afternoon.  He flipped out. Asked me why I wanted to go so bad.  I told him that I loved him and wanted us to be able to do things together and thought it would be fun for us.  He said some pretty mean words, but really got the point across that he didn’t want me to ride with him.  “OK, you want to go on a bike ride? Fine. I’ll take you on some hard, technical shit. Just see how you like that!”  “Why do I want to be joined at the hip with you all the time?”I ended up going to the beach and laying out, calling my Granny and crying on the phone to her because I was so hurt.  I never asked him to take me again.   *Kicking a laundry basket across the room*Throwing a bottle of cleaner with bleach across the house, after beating it on the wall and breaking the nozzle*punching the wall*breaking a clothes hanger that I was holding as I was putting away laundry  *March 2008: I found out about an affair he was having with a girl from his hometown. I was angered and hurt. About a week after I found out, we went to a concert with his sister. He was texting the whole time we were there, but tried to keep the cell phone hidden. He got drunk. After we got home and went to bed, he wanted to get intimate. That was the last thing I wanted. I told him that I wasn’t ready to have sex with him again, so soon after I found out about the affair.  He forced himself on me and had sex with me anyway, pushing my panties aside.  I have never felt so degraded in my life.  *April 2008: visiting my family before going to his friend’s wedding. We were driving in the car back to my dad’s and discussing what time to leave to get to the wedding. I wasn’t answering his question the way he wanted it answered.  Finally, I got mad, and made a sarcastic remark.  He took a half empty bottle of water that he was drinking and poured it on me while I was driving.  *August 2008: The OW’s H contacted me that my H and his W were still communicating via email. He accessed her email and forwarded me a conversation between the two. I still have copies of the email.  He asked her in the email to let him know what she’s told her H about the two of them, so he’ll know what to say to me because he never knows what I have been told by her H.  *March 2009: I’d been having suspicions of him still having contact with that girl. He got a new phone, and left the old one at home. He went out of town to his hometown for the weekend “for business”. I got into the old phone. I knew the password to get in, but never wanted to open Pandora’s Box.  Well, I got into the phone, and looked at call history and text messages.  Text message (unsent) to “ginger” (fake name, but it was meant for OW): “Loving you boo”  -blech-  another one “laying here in bes (bed)…”  The call records were where I struck gold. I found calls to and from a local number there from his trip there in January. I knew it didn’t belong to his family or anyone he knew. IT was not programmed into his phone book.  So, after much debate, I contacted OW’s H and told him, with the disclaimer that it may not be what I thought.  Well, he asked me when H was last in town. I had to tell him that H was there now.  I lied to him and told him that I didn’t know where H was staying. I didn’t want him to hunt H down and/or do something stupid.  He called his W, and discovered that the two of them were together then!!!  I called my H and let him have it! Oh, I was so mad.  He ended up cutting his trip short to come home “since I was so upset”.  When he got home, he barely spoke to me.  After some time passed, he came to me and asked me where his cell phone bill was. I told him that I didn’t have his phone bill. He kept on. “Where is my phone bill?” I told him repeatedly that I didn’t have it.  “Give me my damn phone bill!”  H – I’ve told you, and I’ll tell you again. I don’t have your phone bill, and never did!  I was in son’s room putting away laundry.  He was getting more and more out of control. I was ignoring him and he was not having it. He grabbed the plastic hanger that was in my hand and yanked it and broke it.  My son was in the room, hysterical.  He was screaming at me to give daddy his phone bill.  “Just give daddy his phone bill, mama.”  H started going toward son, and I didn’t want him to lay a hand on my son.  I got between them and tried to keep H away from son.  H looked at me and told me to get my hands off him. He grabbed me by the arms, shook me, picked me up off the floor an inch or two and shoved me down to the floor – with son in the room.  It scraped some skin off my elbow from my sliding on the floor.  Son got even more hysterical and started saying “God didn’t like that daddy.  God doesn’t like that!”  I got up, and looked at H and told him to stay away from me.  I went to the computer and looked up the local police dept phone number, had the number ready to dial, but didn’t follow through.  My H followed me into the room and asked me who I was calling. I told him I was ready to call the police and he’d best stay away from me.  He said “that is what you want. You want the police to show up.”  He offered to get me a cold pack for my elbow. He told me that he’s never even come close to doing that ever before and told me that he was sorry. He made me show him how I found the phone records. I showed him and he took the battery out of his phone and threw it away.