Hey Ya'll
Hey ...
I don't know who all reads my bloggs any more these days. I've been coming online to DS for many years now. Lately I feel detached, distance, and actually I'm cool with that.
I am struggling with myself, trying to adjust to a world I don't feel like is mine. Well hey I'm 57, and old school.
I still belive in Love, romance, truth justice and the American way.. UP UP and away!
Guess I need some one to redefine the American Way, cause I thought it meant liberty and justice for all. Okay yeah ya gonna have to define Justice too I reckon.
I never belived in Capitalisum, ( hey I can't even spell in no how) but I see it at work. I here them folks at ford motor company braggin bout how they making so much profit makein and sellin them cars overseas. Well hell can't no one afford one here in the U S A no how .. not really.. Come on... Cars cost ten times as much as when I graduated from high school...Yeah I granurated.. went all da way thru high schoolem.. in the front door and out the back ... ...
I've started a book about my abusive child hood. just kinda hope some one that reads it ... if I can get it published.. wont beat the hay outta their kid like my grandma did me... I hope some how that that negative part of my life can be used as something positive... here's to wishful thinking...
i know why I have a difficult time in my relationship with my kids, and fail as a person in a active relationship. I just want people to except me as I am, and I'm rather confused about how I'm suppose to be.
I'm kinda John wayne, cept the wife spankin tingy... I truly believe folks shouldn't be beatin on one another, man or woman.
When my PSTD flares, along with my Fibromyaliga, and them arthur boys kick my wide hinny... I often day dream the flashbacks away, it's a defense mac-a-nisium... thingy mo jiggy.. oh well.. I do's it... it helps me avoid the pain, of the mistakes I made due to being just plain dam stupid... It's hard at 57 to think like a 7 year old that's afraid for his very life... I aint afraid any more...not since I was 16 no how.. told my grandma, as respectful as I could... seein how I had her up against the wall... really... told her she had to stop...i even made her believe I'd do what ever it took to stop those beatings... Okay so I won kinda... but that mouth oh golly gee.... it cussed me for 30 something more years.. oh yeah...
I learned in the sixth grade if you really want to change yourself... you gotta rreally work at it...that lesson didn't sink in till years later, I was too busy doing a payback...hahahahaha.... kids the things we committ ourselves to at the young age of 13...
I once read a poem, about having the wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong, to be able to know the difference between things we can change and things we can't... Most of all to have the courage to face the things we can't change, and have the courage to change the things we can...
I do know it's the smallest things we can do... any where in life, on the job, at school, home, just driving down the road.... random acts of kindness will fill your soul with gladness.
I'm trying to find my place in this world again.... I am really trying to see a future for myself... it aint gonna be much... but hey... a little light at the end of this tunnel would be such a welcome sight...
There is a lot of hurt and pain in this world...sure wish I knew how to help repair some of it...
best wishes all, kinda just lost in thought this Moanin... Later Russ
I don't know who all reads my bloggs any more these days. I've been coming online to DS for many years now. Lately I feel detached, distance, and actually I'm cool with that.
I am struggling with myself, trying to adjust to a world I don't feel like is mine. Well hey I'm 57, and old school.
I still belive in Love, romance, truth justice and the American way.. UP UP and away!
Guess I need some one to redefine the American Way, cause I thought it meant liberty and justice for all. Okay yeah ya gonna have to define Justice too I reckon.
I never belived in Capitalisum, ( hey I can't even spell in no how) but I see it at work. I here them folks at ford motor company braggin bout how they making so much profit makein and sellin them cars overseas. Well hell can't no one afford one here in the U S A no how .. not really.. Come on... Cars cost ten times as much as when I graduated from high school...Yeah I granurated.. went all da way thru high schoolem.. in the front door and out the back ... ...
I've started a book about my abusive child hood. just kinda hope some one that reads it ... if I can get it published.. wont beat the hay outta their kid like my grandma did me... I hope some how that that negative part of my life can be used as something positive... here's to wishful thinking...
i know why I have a difficult time in my relationship with my kids, and fail as a person in a active relationship. I just want people to except me as I am, and I'm rather confused about how I'm suppose to be.
I'm kinda John wayne, cept the wife spankin tingy... I truly believe folks shouldn't be beatin on one another, man or woman.
When my PSTD flares, along with my Fibromyaliga, and them arthur boys kick my wide hinny... I often day dream the flashbacks away, it's a defense mac-a-nisium... thingy mo jiggy.. oh well.. I do's it... it helps me avoid the pain, of the mistakes I made due to being just plain dam stupid... It's hard at 57 to think like a 7 year old that's afraid for his very life... I aint afraid any more...not since I was 16 no how.. told my grandma, as respectful as I could... seein how I had her up against the wall... really... told her she had to stop...i even made her believe I'd do what ever it took to stop those beatings... Okay so I won kinda... but that mouth oh golly gee.... it cussed me for 30 something more years.. oh yeah...
I learned in the sixth grade if you really want to change yourself... you gotta rreally work at it...that lesson didn't sink in till years later, I was too busy doing a payback...hahahahaha.... kids the things we committ ourselves to at the young age of 13...
I once read a poem, about having the wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong, to be able to know the difference between things we can change and things we can't... Most of all to have the courage to face the things we can't change, and have the courage to change the things we can...
I do know it's the smallest things we can do... any where in life, on the job, at school, home, just driving down the road.... random acts of kindness will fill your soul with gladness.
I'm trying to find my place in this world again.... I am really trying to see a future for myself... it aint gonna be much... but hey... a little light at the end of this tunnel would be such a welcome sight...
There is a lot of hurt and pain in this world...sure wish I knew how to help repair some of it...
best wishes all, kinda just lost in thought this Moanin... Later Russ
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