Hey
So, I don't really know what to write. I know I've been away for quite some time. I'm alive. I guess that's good, right?
Well, my health is getting worse. In fact, in about 9 hours I go in to get a spinal tap. They want to check the pressure of the fluid in my brain as well as run some tests on it. I get dizzy a lot now. A month or so, I had ... I don't know what. I was just sititng down and all of a sudden my vision kinda fogged out and I couldn't think. Left side of my body went numb. Instead of it going away after a couple hours, it lasted for days. And for well over a week I couldn't even think straight. Obviously, I couldn't drive.
The docs gave me a ct scan and everything turned out fine. Brain looked good. There were no blockaged in my veigns leading to my brain. I finally met a neurologist last week. He said that I could be having migraines. Doesn't feel like it to me but I'm going through the motions.
I'm really weak now, physically. I can't do much at all - I just don't have the strength any more. I wonder if my heart is failing me. But I had cardio tests before and the heart was healthy. All I have is still undiagnosed and horrible back/neck pain, but now that is combined with my dizzy spells, over all weakness, etc. I can't even sleep on my left side anymore. It feels horrible. MY heart starts beating fast, I get dizzy and it feels like I'll die. I've also recently started having episodes where I wake up gasping for air. It's like I've been sucker punched.
I don't want to say anything to my wife or family, but I feel like I'm dieing. I don't mean in a morbid sort of exaggeratoin, I mean it literally. My body is failing me. I can't explain it or discribe it. It's just like I "know." I may live a year or two longer, but every time I close my eyes there is always that nagging feeling that it may be the last time. I am so weak. Other than the little bit of fear about the unknown, the funny thing is, I'm not too afraid.
Well, maybe I am just being morbid. I'll have the spinal tap tomorrow, and then I guess I'll wait for the results. I know it's not migranes, but I'll play the game. I juas have this nagging "knowledge" that I do not have long in this world. My body is literally failing me.
Peace.
Replies
Sighs, there were a few edits I wanted to make but don't know how to do it with this new system. It's the right side I can't sleep on any more. Wanted to fix some typos too. Oh well.
My heart goes out to you. Your wife is your biggest supporter. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel and don't be afraid to tell your Higher Power how you feel no matter what you call him.
It sounds to me like you had a stroke but I am not a doctor. Also, don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion and don't be afraid to ask for help. You have every right to live free from pain! Don't be afraid to ask for relief!
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you, my friend!
Hi sweetie.
I've missed you and I thought maybe you were one of the members who just couldn't sign on since the stupid ass migration. ( oh.. to edit, there's a little TINY arrow at the top for you to click and can choose to edit or delete I think ). I know that there are still people who can't sign on. Ridiculous.
Bless your heart... oh gosh. I thought the same thing as Bob did, that it sounds like you had a stroke but it appears the neurologist or other docs don't seem to think so since you didn't mention it. doesn't sound like migraines to me, but I don't suffer from migraines. It sounds like horrible vertigo , which I have suffered with before but it wasn't as bad as what you're describing. I hope and pray the spinal tap results will give you the answers and whatever the heck is going on can be treated. Are the docs still not treating your pain with any pain meds other than lyrica ( if you're still on it )? I can understand how you feel like your body is failing you and breaking down. I do wish you would open up more to your wife about everything even though knowing you the way I do, I'm not surprised you aren't. I hope you'll reconsider that and I agree with Bob. I would be really upset if Bob kept something like that from me and how would you feel if it was your wife keeping things from you? ( yes, I'm lecturing you I know.. I'm sorry, it's that mom thing I do ). Please let us know when you get the results. I'm praying for you and I'm here for you. Love and huge hugs xoxo