heroin/drinking
I was out gardening this evening when my husband called me into the house. Our middle son, J, wanted to talk to us. It was about T-Man. Said he heard from some kids he doesn't know very well that our T is hanging out with kids who do heroin. Some of them are shooting up. He's not sure if T is using or used heroin, but it ain't lookin' good. J said that he doesn't think T is doing it now because the known "supplier" OD'ed at a concert and, therefore, the kids' connection is out of the picture. J is concerned and makes me wonder if he knows more but is holding back a bit. Months ago when I tried pumping J for information about T he became very annoyed so I let it go. Now that J has matured and seemed to be in a very, very good place - he was more willing to share or have wherewithal to let us know.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the only bad news we got. J also revealed that he too has a problem - a drinking problem. First he said he wanted help and then in the same breath --- he said he wants to try and fight it on his own. His girlfriend encouraged him to talk to us. I know our son abused drugs and drank and I called him on back in August. I thought he overreacted when I told we were considering drug testing him. Ended up letting it go - he went on and blossomed. I've never seen him so happy. This really came as a shock, especially now.
I guess you have to be careful what you wish for -- although MY WISH - wouldn't have really changed the fact that T is using but..... my wish was that my husband would see the urgency that we address this and not ignore it anymore. I became complacent over time because we weren't "seeing" anything blatant and because I got tired of nagging my husband. I hope he will have the strength to plan and follow through. Last time was when T stole $600+ from him that he showed any reaction. Nothing came of it, however.
Right now I'm just numb. Numb.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the only bad news we got. J also revealed that he too has a problem - a drinking problem. First he said he wanted help and then in the same breath --- he said he wants to try and fight it on his own. His girlfriend encouraged him to talk to us. I know our son abused drugs and drank and I called him on back in August. I thought he overreacted when I told we were considering drug testing him. Ended up letting it go - he went on and blossomed. I've never seen him so happy. This really came as a shock, especially now.
I guess you have to be careful what you wish for -- although MY WISH - wouldn't have really changed the fact that T is using but..... my wish was that my husband would see the urgency that we address this and not ignore it anymore. I became complacent over time because we weren't "seeing" anything blatant and because I got tired of nagging my husband. I hope he will have the strength to plan and follow through. Last time was when T stole $600+ from him that he showed any reaction. Nothing came of it, however.
Right now I'm just numb. Numb.
Replies
I\'m sorry to hear about this, I really am. I know Bobby has always been reluctant to share with me about Gary. Usually a lot of time would have to pass before he would tell me anything, but not always. Is T on any kind of probation?
No - T has been off of probation for just over a year now. Wish he were still on it. We were very blessed to have all that support. Now it\'s gone. Now we have two sons........
Unfortunately, I think at this point you can only wait it out....while the communication door is open with J, perhaps he would be willing to discuss at what point he would be willing to allow you to take a stronger role for intervention...in the meantime, would he benefit from any other changes at home ... for example if you have drinks with meals etc discontinuing this practice to support his effort to be sober? Sigh, T is another issue....do you want to let him know what the rumor mill has been about his drug use and that you are concerned...just one of those matter of fact conversations that opens the door to help when he\'s ready? In the meantime, batten down the hatches.....hide anything of value that has any sentiment; perhaps a safety box over the summer? Wishing things were different!!!! TAKE CARE!!!!!!!