Here we go again

Wednesday I had a sore throat and severe joint pain.  I thought to myself I'm not letting this get me down!  Sprayed my throat all day and took all mediations.  Thorsday I was down all day.  Severe joint pain and unable to barely walk. My thoat was hurting so bad.  Hubby, well he does not know.  I only got up to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I lost the whole day and night.  I swore I would feel better Friday.  I got up Friday and felt better.  I walked on glass all day Friday.  Then at 6:00PM I was down again.  I prayed for forgiveness for what I might of done.  I repeted for something I know not what I have done.  Saturday I am totally down again.  I am alone in this body that is against me.  I feel I am such a birden to my husband.  I have learned to not share my illnesses to anyone.  No one is interested nor do they care to be bridden.  I don't what to lose this batter.  I can't get into see a Rhuematologist.  I need someone to help me.  I pray soon.  I started back on the preginose at 8:00pm tonight.