Here we go

Last few days have been difficult. I want to find someone that will accept me for me so bad. All that keeps playing over in my head is no body is going to want you because that's what it seems like.I got told that by my last serious relationship 9 years ago. It lasted 13 years. I miss him but I don't miss the abuse. I thought I found love with him but nope that wasn't love, that was straight up abuse. Which makes me sad because all those years I could have spent with my family. They tried to tell me he was abusive, but I wouldn't listen. I've also been thinking about my loved ones who are gone. I have turned to girls. I'm tired of dating guys. It's just sad. Why can't I be average. Why do I have to sit with wheels strapped to my ass? This is all I've been thinking about. Why do I have a headrest that rubs my hair off forccing me to shave half my head? Last night I was thinking about school while I was playing my game and thought boy, is this what my life has come to? Games, Netflix, coloring and TV? A lot of things are bothering me right now... Why do I have to have people take care of me? Why can't I take care of myself? If I ask all these different questions, I still remind myself that God put me in this chair and body for a reason, I just don't know that reason yet. I know I still have a job to do. My main question is, when will I find REAL love? 

Colleen Out