Here I sit, brokenhearted...
Well, my mother is coming home tomorrow. I have to coordinate the prescriptions with her doctor and the nursing home so that she has a supply here. I picked up a few things at the market, and the ramp is in place. Just have to do the laundry and clean up a bit, and we are good to go.
Then, I get to start going through the 106 adolescent psychiatrists available to see if there is one that might be able to work out for the girl. She has to get her medication managed - she is overdue for the blood work, and she only has 1 refill left. I called the ones yesterday that the health insurance indicated, and got the same run around, "we're not taking new patients" or "we don't do adolescents" or "the waiting list is 3 months", etc.
I do not want to go through the humiliation, again, of having to fill out the "financial assistance" information - they just strip any dignity you have left before telling you that you don't qualify for help. I just get angry when they tell me that I make too much money, when there just isn't enough.
They never, ever take your debts into consideration - and it is deep right now. When I filled out the forms for the bank, I realized that I was clearly more than $500 over budget every month for at least a year. It explains a great deal, really, but the expenses that the bank considers, which were a lot more than the government considers, were still not all of the expenses.
When you are that poor, you cannot replace or repair anything when it breaks (without going deeper into debt). It does not take long before attrition diminishes your belongings. When I was on assistance, when my illness was quite bad, they sent people over to insulate my house, but there was no agency that could help me when my stove broke down or my fridge stopped working properly.
Of the 7 years I was in Maine, I spent 5 of it ill. Unable to work, and sometimes unable to function. My brother broke my kitchen table and put his knee through all 4 of the chairs. He damaged the couch and chair in the living room. The girl destroyed both her mattress and mine, as well as breaking my bed frame. My computer desk was destroyed, as was my grand mother's hope chest.
I did not have much good furniture left, but the time I moved out, but what was left was more than would fit on the 14' truck I could afford to rent. I left behind much more than I took, and it doesn't look like I'm going to get the chance to collect it. I'm running out of time to arrange things, and the paperwork is going to the bank today.
There is too much to do and too much pressure to do it - and the girl lost her glasses fooling around with some boy in the park, and only one of the many vision centers takes her insurance, and I don't know which one that is. I haven't had time to check it out because of the other things I have to do, and I am freaking out about all of it.
Without a lot of time to think about myself at all. Not even the time to grieve for the loss I've suffered. It was more than just a house.
Then, I get to start going through the 106 adolescent psychiatrists available to see if there is one that might be able to work out for the girl. She has to get her medication managed - she is overdue for the blood work, and she only has 1 refill left. I called the ones yesterday that the health insurance indicated, and got the same run around, "we're not taking new patients" or "we don't do adolescents" or "the waiting list is 3 months", etc.
I do not want to go through the humiliation, again, of having to fill out the "financial assistance" information - they just strip any dignity you have left before telling you that you don't qualify for help. I just get angry when they tell me that I make too much money, when there just isn't enough.
They never, ever take your debts into consideration - and it is deep right now. When I filled out the forms for the bank, I realized that I was clearly more than $500 over budget every month for at least a year. It explains a great deal, really, but the expenses that the bank considers, which were a lot more than the government considers, were still not all of the expenses.
When you are that poor, you cannot replace or repair anything when it breaks (without going deeper into debt). It does not take long before attrition diminishes your belongings. When I was on assistance, when my illness was quite bad, they sent people over to insulate my house, but there was no agency that could help me when my stove broke down or my fridge stopped working properly.
Of the 7 years I was in Maine, I spent 5 of it ill. Unable to work, and sometimes unable to function. My brother broke my kitchen table and put his knee through all 4 of the chairs. He damaged the couch and chair in the living room. The girl destroyed both her mattress and mine, as well as breaking my bed frame. My computer desk was destroyed, as was my grand mother's hope chest.
I did not have much good furniture left, but the time I moved out, but what was left was more than would fit on the 14' truck I could afford to rent. I left behind much more than I took, and it doesn't look like I'm going to get the chance to collect it. I'm running out of time to arrange things, and the paperwork is going to the bank today.
There is too much to do and too much pressure to do it - and the girl lost her glasses fooling around with some boy in the park, and only one of the many vision centers takes her insurance, and I don't know which one that is. I haven't had time to check it out because of the other things I have to do, and I am freaking out about all of it.
Without a lot of time to think about myself at all. Not even the time to grieve for the loss I've suffered. It was more than just a house.
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