Here I go again...

I guess this is neither happy nor sad... I feel more meh as the kids say. It's been a year and a few months since I last been on here. I'm writing now to try and release more pain, fear, hopelessness and other emotions I can't quite put my finger on. Sooo... Oct 14, 2014 my dad passed colon/intestinal and lung cancer. My grams on his side passed in Feb. I found out my cervical cancer had come back and spread Uterine not to long after. My on again off again ex is off again and I met someone new. Well since I broke down two days ago and cut really badly that's off again too. I have a lot of things I need to get thru and get past and have no idea where to even begin. Small things I do to try to offset my jealousy are failing left and right and my partner, well ex now, doesn't seem to understand. So again I feel alone! I well we had a good day yesterday. Panic attack tonight... UGH!!!  I fully intend to keep as much on my mind as I can to offset the fact that she reminds me multiple times a day that were are not together. On to other news after many a year waiting I will be in the DBT program in the upcoming weeks. I'm hoping to get the strength I need to not have the fears insecurities jealousy and everything else that makes me not want to be here anymore.   Oooh look... a lil bit of hope...