here I go again

Again I find my self on the brink of insanity and with serious thoughts of suicide one more time. How will I ever get over those feelings? Does anyone really ever get over the thoughts of suicide for ever? I have fallen deep into another depression and have no  resources to help me. I can't help but cry for myself and for the ones that I put through this unintentionally . I don't want to hurt anyone and even my partner has been frustrated with me enough that he is almost telling me to do so. I need to vent , to yell ,to cry, I need a shoulder and maybe just one person in the world that can share my worries and frustrations. I have had enough and am at my breaking point. To be honest I don't want to die but I am always worried and alone in personal situations that few men will talk about. If there was just that one other man to talk to me about that same issue I would feel better to some degree and enough to kick this feeling. I have so much guilt and concern , so much confusion. I don't know where to turn. This feels like the biggest breaking point in my history and seems more likely to be the one that drives me over the edge. WHO CAN UNDERSTAND!!!!! Is there another gay man out there that shares this problem? I know straight men have had this issue but I need a gay man to relate to. I am weakening fast . My partner and I split up because of my insecurities. I just want to die. To stop the pain.