Here I am again
As I look back, I realize it was just a week ago that I had another bad day. Today was an extremely rough one. It has been crazy at work. Our best worker has left and now it is just the boss , me and another older guy who is nice and willing to work, but needs alot of guidance and overseeing and is even chattier than me. (if you can imagine that) Both of the guys do what is neccessary, not one step more. When Julie was still there-- the two of us did always do the extra to get ahead (and to be sure to go the extra mile for the customers) Now, I doubt that will ever happen. This past week has been a big one with a big company anniversary sale bringing them in.
Once again, today I went non stop and came home frustrated and feeling depressed. Having nowhere to go with this--- coming home to a house that is in disarray-- to noone who gives a damn --I come home with an incredible feeling of not belonging-- anywhere or to anyone. (At lunch there was nowhere to go but a small breakroom as the other was occupied with a full training class . I went there and enjoyed a well deserved break and some solitude only to come out and see 3 others munching on stacked palattes out back. granted there was not room for all of us, but that left me feeling like I was the plague...adding to my disconnect.)
I am struggling right now with everything building and feeling nowhere to turn. So I come home and cut myself off from everyone, everything. Just me and my ice cream. Food was always there for me-- people-- not so much.
Replies
Sorry to hear about your rough day and lack of support. I get most of my support from friends at church. I'm in a couple of small group Bible studies and we have become very close. Is there anything like that you can be part of? You might also benefit from the Griefshare support group. There might be one near you. See https://www.griefshare.org/. God bless you. I hope you feel more optimistic soon. And I prayed for you just now. Sending hugs.
Thank you. :(
Sorry that you are struggling right now. I am here for you. Hang in there! Hugs, Kim
Hugs Kim.
Hi Kim I wonder why the other gal left? did she get another better job? or was something going on that she did not like...?
anyway not the big thing but if the boss is not playing fair time to move on....I do not remember what you do....if the company had a big sale and there were just three there then it must have been ciaos with customers....I used to work retail and remember the change that happened at Christmas....it got crazy....
^ I agree. Don't be afraid to make that jump and find happiness in what you do.
You are still grieving the loss of your husband. When we cry, that's how we rewire our brain.
After my divorce... I was alone for the first time in 30 years , I talked to myself alot and it really helped a great deal. It was like having another person in the house. I know it sounds crazy but even psychologists recommend doing so. There is actually another part of you who is listening!
It will get better.
God Bless
But when??? :(
It will take time, my friend. You had a rough time with your late husband. Be gentle with yourself. Do what you can. You cannot do the work of two people with the same efficiency and speed. Hugs
A short time ago you were basically someone’s caretaker for a really long time. When that is suddenly gone, I’m sure there is a heightened sense of who am I, where do I fit in, etc. Instead of letting that bog you down just be ok with not knowing right this second. It’s ok. I am married and have friends and there are still moments where I think, man I feel like an outsider looking in. That’s just my negative self talk happening. You get way too down on yourself, and for what? I think some of that is just a habit, it’s like a default position. No one is expecting as much of you as you. So cut yourself some slack.