Here I am again

WOW!  Today it hit me like a brick.  The ex is living his life in full color.  He is riding cross country on his motorcycle and right now is in Vegas getting ready to Zip Line.  It makes me so mad that he couldn't find the time of day for us to do things!  We never did crap together.  We were so busy waiting for the other one to feed the other that we starved ourselves.  He left me years ago and I am embarrassed by the fact that I am just getting this.  I always left the door open.  I always let him in.  He never gave, never filled me up.  Only himself.  I was invisible.  I can see the anger, justify it even but I just can't seem to experience it.  I have been so blind, such an idiot, so unsure of what I am doing outside of marriage.  And he blows me away on his motorcycle like I never existed.