Her Reason
This story was written late one night, when I realized the reason I could no longer cut, November 12, 2005, the day I promised to never cut myself again, and I have not since.
*Why am i still here?* she asks herself as she stares up at at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. *I've had so many opportunitys to end this hell, yet each time i back out. What keeps stopping me?* She lifts her ars up to see the remaining marks of her previous attempts that seemed to glow in the moon light. *All those do are remind me of the pain that made me leave them, I know that happens each time but i still cant stop myself. It eases the pain.......... temporarily* As she stares at her arms, the reason for each mark coems to mind. *Hmm that one was my grandmohter, that one, i didn't think anyone cared, oh and this one...* She began to run her fingeres over one particular mark *... this one, was placed there the day the love of my life left me* With out realizing it, her hand slid down to her hip, where his innitals were. *I don't know why I didn't just go through with it that night, the blade was right over my wrist, WHY DIDN'T I DO IT??? Why did I slide it away, down my arm farther, just to leave another rmemory that would stay forever?* Suddenly her brother, who had fallen asleep in her arms stirred and images began to flood her thoughts. The 3rd one was the worst. She felt as if she was accually living, thinking and feeling it:** *Wow I think I can accualy go through with it this time, just one small step and its over* she takes that step and tumbles down each and every step to the basement floor. *How did I survive that? OH SHIT I DIDN'T!!!* Seeming as if she was her spirit floating over her body surrounded by a pool of blood. *Footsteps? I didn't know anyone ws home, besideds my brother, but he's sleeping. What if he heard me falling and woke up?* The next second she heard him screaming her name as he ran down the stairs. **Returning form this vision she realized why she always stopped herself. Her brother needs her here, who else does he have to look up to? She began to run her fingers through his hair. He wakes up and asks her whats wrong.'Nothing buddy, go back to sleep, I love you...'
*Why am i still here?* she asks herself as she stares up at at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. *I've had so many opportunitys to end this hell, yet each time i back out. What keeps stopping me?* She lifts her ars up to see the remaining marks of her previous attempts that seemed to glow in the moon light. *All those do are remind me of the pain that made me leave them, I know that happens each time but i still cant stop myself. It eases the pain.......... temporarily* As she stares at her arms, the reason for each mark coems to mind. *Hmm that one was my grandmohter, that one, i didn't think anyone cared, oh and this one...* She began to run her fingeres over one particular mark *... this one, was placed there the day the love of my life left me* With out realizing it, her hand slid down to her hip, where his innitals were. *I don't know why I didn't just go through with it that night, the blade was right over my wrist, WHY DIDN'T I DO IT??? Why did I slide it away, down my arm farther, just to leave another rmemory that would stay forever?* Suddenly her brother, who had fallen asleep in her arms stirred and images began to flood her thoughts. The 3rd one was the worst. She felt as if she was accually living, thinking and feeling it:** *Wow I think I can accualy go through with it this time, just one small step and its over* she takes that step and tumbles down each and every step to the basement floor. *How did I survive that? OH SHIT I DIDN'T!!!* Seeming as if she was her spirit floating over her body surrounded by a pool of blood. *Footsteps? I didn't know anyone ws home, besideds my brother, but he's sleeping. What if he heard me falling and woke up?* The next second she heard him screaming her name as he ran down the stairs. **Returning form this vision she realized why she always stopped herself. Her brother needs her here, who else does he have to look up to? She began to run her fingers through his hair. He wakes up and asks her whats wrong.'Nothing buddy, go back to sleep, I love you...'
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