her again...heartbroken

so...i started talking to tara again....we even messed around a bit...it felt so good...having her in my arms again...her holding me...laying on her chest and listening to her heart beat....i love it so much...but she was still dating sam...the whole time...she was still....i just...i dont know what to do...i love her so much...i know i dont deserve it...i blocked her number and hadnt talked to her...until today...i was dumb and put a happy bday sign in her locker...i couldnt not say happy bday ya know?...well before she even saw it she walked up to me and acted like nothing happened...which i think hurt the worst out of everything...i didnt know what to do...so i didnt do anything...i just stood there...and then i watched her walk away again....her back toward me...its all i ever seem to see....i just..im a good person...why am i single....i hate being alone. i freak out...i always have to be around somebody...always...and i dont know why...im scared...honestly after i stop writing i will probably go cut...because thats what i am...and thats all iwill ever be..