Hemoraging pain
My husband has said that I am just hemoraging pain and that there's no band aid. I think that's true, but it helps so much for someone to really care how I'm feeling. The sadness lifts sometimes, but my husband travels pretty much all of the time and I am here in this house alone, but for my darling (sometimes pain in the neck) dogs. My Bentley sleeps on the bed with me, our very old (probably @15) rescue dog Bucky sleeps right by my bed and snores loudly all night (it's ok for him, he's deaf, but I'm not), and my new rescue, Nicky guards the bedroom door, and often howls and the moon and the owls. So I'm blessed to have my beloved pups guarding me! I am making promises to myself to take steps that might help. I haven't left the house independently (completely alone) since well before my mother died (probably two years in total) except for one or two really important "missions". This is a sad statement because I have always been active and independent. Just can't seem to do it anymore. Probably a lot to do with the RA, but also the grieving. We have a wonderful church near us where my husband plays mandolin in the church band. I always enjoy the Sunday service and amazing people. Although I've never been much of a church goer, this church is really special and fun. It is usually the only time I leave the house during the week. I am already starting to stress because I've volunteered to run the blood drive table at church, and I just learned that my husband will be in Europe on one of the days I've volunteered. That means I have to go alone, and I'm not sure if I can...silly isn't it?
Replies
It\'s good to know you got someone there to kiss the boo boos the band aids don\'t quite fit over!
It\'s not silly after so much to be frightened by those first steps on your own. I almost get separation anxiety when separated from my furry faced hubby. It\'s not that I am to point where I can\'t do a lot by myself.
LOL Actually he slows me down in a lot of things. However, he is my security blanket and confidence exudes from me when he\'s around.
Not that you haven\'t already heard it, but I know you can do it and if you should find you can\'t do something (well except for getting you there in the first place - which you can do!) I am certain one of the volunteers will help.
(soft grin) Besides, you won\'t be there alone. I\'ll be there with you in spirit! If you feel your left hand tightens up a little during that day, don\'t think of it as being from the RA - think of it as me virtually holding on to it! ;-)