help please

I realise I'm not on here much anymore so I do feel a little bad for asking for help, but I just do not know what to do right now.  I am struggling so much.  I am finding it so hard, I havent felt this bad since I committed to recovery in November last year.  I feel awful, I'm hoping it will pass but I don't know.  I feel like I'm falling already and I dont know how to get back on track...
I think one of the reasons is that my wedding is only 12 weeks away, which yes is awesome, but naturally i am concerned about how I look.  Also I made that age old mistake of weighing myself, I really need to learn.  Its not that I hated the number or anything but for some reason no matter what the number I do react.
I feel myself consentrating a lot on food and exercise at the moment which i had managed to stop doing.  I still hate my body, so naturally I want to change it.
Ugh my head is a messy place at the moment and i hate it, i do not want to be this way.
Please anyone with advice, support or questions that might help me to figure this out, please help, i feel so alone with this right now and i do not want to go back, i hate where i've been, i feel so lost, and so stuck....