HELP if you can!!!
WARNING: This is a really painful email for me to write and you to read (I'm thinking anyways). So I won't be hurt if you want/need to just skip it! I know you all have such burdens already and I'm ashamed to add to them. But I'm just STUCK and can't get up (yes, that commercial is running thro my mind! The life alert one? Help! I've fallen down and can't get up! haha).
So this is a PS to my last entry: Ok I lied about being quick! Sorry but I'm in a bind and have a headfock (like the Fockers, you know?). ICKOS!
I'm in another predicament/drama and I have some awkward/sad/weird questions/comments for you and would really appreciate an answer, but only if you can. Please, if you're already overwhelmed, just skip this!
My dear, beloved therapist, Stephanie, whom I'm very, very fond of and trusted completely for over 8 years, suddenly and unexpectedly fired me in the fall. WTF? I'm completely freaked out and hurt by it. I mean, who gets FIRED by their therapist??? I must be a real disgusting, bad seed to have that happen. It's another confirmation that I'm just a yucko, less than worthy human.
I thought Stephanie really cared for me and at that time (well, still) I was really at a low, super depressed point. She was the last medical person I could count on (ALL my other docs either retired of left all at once, including my dear GP Dr. Gupta). Stephanie claimed she had to let me go because I needed help with controlling my anxiety and chronic pain (which is so true) and she wasn't trained for that type of therapy. But I still need her help with my social anxiety and other personal problems (hard to believe, eh?)!!! Honestly, I have plenty to go around!!
Nevertheless, I did try 2 other therapist/psychologists but they sucked basically. The last one made me feel like such a loser I was ready to drive into a big tree! He said I HAD to see him every week regardless of if I was sick and didn't have a ride. And he also said I, and everyone around me, wasn't to in any way express, talk, show, etc. the pain I was in. How is that even POSSIBLE? I really do try to hold it and hide it, but HUH? He made me feel like a weak, worthless, less than human, being. Each time I told him I couldn't do something like see him weekly (cause we have ONE car and Matt works 6 days/week Sun off and there aren't any buses or such - we live in the boondocks of the cape), or couldn't afford a weekly session, he'd say WHY? You must be so unique because in my 38 years of practicing, you'd be the ONLY ONE who couldn't do such and so. WTF??? He mocked me and really talked down to me like I was an idiot without any redeeming qualities. Just jabbed at me all the time. I'm obviously still really hurt and screwed up from all these professionals "help". I told him I thought there was something WRONG with me (not just health wise but like inside). And he said THERE IS. Just an unqualified THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. HUHUH??? I really must be a freak.
I feel like Stephanie just dumped me without any warning when I most needed her. There wasn't any sort of support to put in her place - she just showed me the door. Aren't therapists supposed to make sure you're not like gonna do yourself in BEFORE they cut you lose (oooh, maybe a bad choice of words. indicative of my state of mind and bad habits I'm sure.)? Or make sure you have another source of support or SOMETHING? I mean, man, her dumping me like that is still messing with my head. She KNOWS I already feel like I'm tainted and that's why everyone gets rid of me - it's been an ongoing issue for years now. Then for her to dump me when I was most likely better off getting admitted to the anxiety farm? I just don't get it. It must be me if all these unrelated people are doing this. And I don't just blab about my issues to everyone! I try to be upbeat and funny and talk about other stuff. Sigh.
My insides are trashed (literally and figuratively!). I want to beg her to take me back, but what would be the point?
Any advice from you all would be so appreciated!!! I really don't much like myself and having these 'professionals' in agreement about my character is killing me.
Do you all ever have these sorts of feelings? I'm lost right now and in such pain. And I'm so very sorry - I hate to just verbally vomit my issues on you, who have been so caring, but you are literally the ONLY people I can talk to now. My husband and sister and mother are all used up. Help me, if you can, I'm feeling down. (like the song!) Miserable Nibs
So this is a PS to my last entry: Ok I lied about being quick! Sorry but I'm in a bind and have a headfock (like the Fockers, you know?). ICKOS!
I'm in another predicament/drama and I have some awkward/sad/weird questions/comments for you and would really appreciate an answer, but only if you can. Please, if you're already overwhelmed, just skip this!
My dear, beloved therapist, Stephanie, whom I'm very, very fond of and trusted completely for over 8 years, suddenly and unexpectedly fired me in the fall. WTF? I'm completely freaked out and hurt by it. I mean, who gets FIRED by their therapist??? I must be a real disgusting, bad seed to have that happen. It's another confirmation that I'm just a yucko, less than worthy human.
I thought Stephanie really cared for me and at that time (well, still) I was really at a low, super depressed point. She was the last medical person I could count on (ALL my other docs either retired of left all at once, including my dear GP Dr. Gupta). Stephanie claimed she had to let me go because I needed help with controlling my anxiety and chronic pain (which is so true) and she wasn't trained for that type of therapy. But I still need her help with my social anxiety and other personal problems (hard to believe, eh?)!!! Honestly, I have plenty to go around!!
Nevertheless, I did try 2 other therapist/psychologists but they sucked basically. The last one made me feel like such a loser I was ready to drive into a big tree! He said I HAD to see him every week regardless of if I was sick and didn't have a ride. And he also said I, and everyone around me, wasn't to in any way express, talk, show, etc. the pain I was in. How is that even POSSIBLE? I really do try to hold it and hide it, but HUH? He made me feel like a weak, worthless, less than human, being. Each time I told him I couldn't do something like see him weekly (cause we have ONE car and Matt works 6 days/week Sun off and there aren't any buses or such - we live in the boondocks of the cape), or couldn't afford a weekly session, he'd say WHY? You must be so unique because in my 38 years of practicing, you'd be the ONLY ONE who couldn't do such and so. WTF??? He mocked me and really talked down to me like I was an idiot without any redeeming qualities. Just jabbed at me all the time. I'm obviously still really hurt and screwed up from all these professionals "help". I told him I thought there was something WRONG with me (not just health wise but like inside). And he said THERE IS. Just an unqualified THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. HUHUH??? I really must be a freak.
I feel like Stephanie just dumped me without any warning when I most needed her. There wasn't any sort of support to put in her place - she just showed me the door. Aren't therapists supposed to make sure you're not like gonna do yourself in BEFORE they cut you lose (oooh, maybe a bad choice of words. indicative of my state of mind and bad habits I'm sure.)? Or make sure you have another source of support or SOMETHING? I mean, man, her dumping me like that is still messing with my head. She KNOWS I already feel like I'm tainted and that's why everyone gets rid of me - it's been an ongoing issue for years now. Then for her to dump me when I was most likely better off getting admitted to the anxiety farm? I just don't get it. It must be me if all these unrelated people are doing this. And I don't just blab about my issues to everyone! I try to be upbeat and funny and talk about other stuff. Sigh.
My insides are trashed (literally and figuratively!). I want to beg her to take me back, but what would be the point?
Any advice from you all would be so appreciated!!! I really don't much like myself and having these 'professionals' in agreement about my character is killing me.
Do you all ever have these sorts of feelings? I'm lost right now and in such pain. And I'm so very sorry - I hate to just verbally vomit my issues on you, who have been so caring, but you are literally the ONLY people I can talk to now. My husband and sister and mother are all used up. Help me, if you can, I'm feeling down. (like the song!) Miserable Nibs
Replies
OMG...I have NEVER heard of such a thing. On all of it..One Stephanie should have given you a referral to someone who specializes in pain management if she doesn\'t do that, second that other idiot needs his license revoked, because it sounds like all he wants is money, & could care less about you as a whole..
Maybe look for someone who specializes in dealing with people with chronic conditions with pain..who can actually help you sort all of this out & actually help you. Maybe give Stephanie\'s office a call & ask for a referral, that\'s the least this woman could do..She knows you, so ask. The worse that can happen is she says she can\'t help.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Good thing our four legged friends would never just kick us out like that, or leave us..Hope you find someone. I know this is a rough time for you. But maybe there is someone better out there for you. They say when a window closes a door always opens..I am sure you will find the correct therapist for you, one who cares about your physical and mental well being..Look for one who specializes in chronic pain..they do work in other areas too, but have a speciality in how to help cope with what you deal with on a daily basis..Not like the jerk who said you weren\'t allowed to express pain..He needs to get a clue...
It will get better, trust me..It\'s SPRING, everything gets better in the Spring..Go outside & enjoy your beautiful surroundings, even if it\'s just sitting & watching the birds, and then focus on how wonderful it is the flowers blooming you dog, and you enjoying the birds..Then on Monday regroup & find a new doctor..You are smart, beautiful, funny, caring, and have been a good CP buddy..Now have some tea, and love on your dog and know you are ok just the way you are..
Love you girlfriend
Cheryl
Cheryl hit the nail on the heard. Hang in there. I\'ve had doctors in the past that were jerks. I would friends about their doctors until I found one. Best wishes in your endeavors. Hugs Brian TTFN