Help! (I need somebody!)

I feel like some kind of traitor around here.  I keep reading about husbands or wives who cheat or get tired of the marriage and want out.  I feel like I’M the one who’s at fault in that way in my marriage.  I’m almost 100% positive that my husband has never cheated on me.  Aside from never admitting when he’s wrong, blaming everything on me, being unforgiving and impossible to please, refusing to work on our marriage and informing me 8 years ago that we were "separated", there has really never been any wrong-doing on his part.  In nearly 30 years of marriage, I’ve never cheated on him either, nor ever been tempted.  But in the last 6 months or so I’ve had definite thoughts about it. 

It’s not that there's a particular man I’m interested in, I’m just tired of being alone.  I want male companionship—I find it much easier to talk to men than women, though I’ve had several close female friends over the years.  It feels wrong to admit this, and it's by no means the ONLY reason I want to move on, but yes, I’d even like to have sex again some day.  Maybe even without the "benefit of marriage"!  Long ago I had decided that it was highly over-rated and that I could live the rest of my life perfectly happily without it.  Of course I really had nothing/nobody else to compare my experience to.... Somehow over the past few years I’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn’t so much ME that wasn’t into it, it was HIM!  And that what I thought was "okay" could have been a hell of a lot better. 

I don't even know why the sudden renewal of interest.  Maybe it has something to do with being introduced to cable shows like "Weeds", which is just short of pornographic and makes sex look a hell of a lot more fun than I've ever experienced!  Suddenly I feel cheated out of more years of intimacy than I care to admit.  My husband announced to me about 22 years ago that he considered himself "celibate".  We did manage to have 2 more kids despite that fact---the first of which happened the very night he shared his news because I was determined to prove him wrong.  Given the fact that the women in our family seem to get pregnant you may remember from a previous journal entry...the last impregnation was accomplished with a minimum amount of trials.  Very minimum. 
I don’t think I’m the type of person who could pursue a new relationship while still living with my "husband" (for lack of a better word), I'm wondering.... What are the rules of "separation"?  Do you have to be "legally" separated before you can enjoy the company of someone new? Even if it’s just a friendship with no romance?  Can there even be a platonic relationship between a woman and a man (assuming neither is gay)?  Or say you’re "casually dating"… that allowed?  Does the "separation" have to be physical, as in separate locations, or do separate rooms, separate lives, separate finances (mostly) for 8 years count?  There is no semblance of a marriage left.  He treats me as less than a casual acquaintance!  I don't plan on every marrying again once I dump this one.  If I don't want half or any of what I'm supposedly "entitled to" can I just leave and never be heard from again?
Optimally, I know that it’s best to have the divorce over and done with, or at least well underway, but I’ve been holding on, trying to do and be what he wanted, and waiting for him to forgive me for many many more than 8 long years.  When we got married, it was with the intention being committed for the rest of our lives.  I'm not the kind of person to just bail out on any kind of relationship, but circumstances are very complicated right now.  (Plus, I'll have to admit to a certain amount of fear at the thought of even bringing the topic up with him.)  I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the ball rolling legally. in the meantime the life is being CRUSHED out of me.  I need to start living my life and doing the things I want to do or there just isn’t any point any more.

I know that the letter of the law says I’m married, and in Illinois you can be accused of "abandonment" if you move out before everything is legalized--even separation--but he actually abandoned me a very long time ago emotionally and our marriage 8 years ago when he declared us "separated".  If there’s common law marriage, why can’t there be common law divorce?  Or does living in the same residence make it "legal".  It’s not that I want to run right out, find a man and jump in bed.  I just want to feel free to make choices and decisions that are good for me without feeling that I’m still accountable to and need the permission of my "husband".  (Part of what killed our marriage also is that after several years of counseling, I finally stopped asking his permission for every single thing I did.  I still want his approval, and have tried to win it, but I am finally at peace with the knowledge that it's a battle nobody can win.)  I'm not vindictive.  I don’t want to hurt him, but God knows he’s never taken either my or our children’s feelings into account when making any of his choices, and I honestly don’t feel like I owe him anything any more.  At least, I don't think I do...Mostly...Or do I?
Why isn’t there a divorce "Easy Button"?  Why can’t marriage be a "renewable contract" where the consenting parties can re-evaluate without penalty periodically?