HELP!
So here I am again another horrible weekend! I thought after his 3 day binge and him sick for 2 days and not drinking that just maybe we could just have a peaceful weekend! It started I guess saturday morning when he rolled over (sober) and tried to kiss me. I was completly not in the mood as He tried to hold himself up his arms shaking and weak. We had planned to go to my brothers that day for a football party. I was hesitant in asking him to go with me knowing that their would be drinking there. But if I hadn't asked he would have accused me of hiding it when he was drunk and needed an argument. He decided that morning that he would just stay home and let me go alone. I was prefectly fine with with that considering! When I got home he was in bed and as soon as I layed down he started. I just told him a few days prior that I just wasn't into having sex with him right now with the way he has treated me the past months. We argued, he got up and down then decided at midnight he was leaving.... Came home at 2am and started all over and having to tell him now belligerently drunk that NO I WILL NOT have sex with u! No sleep till 4am. Just to get up Sunday and started drinking again. And did I mention that while he was sick that we talked or at least I tried to talk. Ended with him telling me that all I do is nag him when he's sober and ignore him when he's drunk. So I told him no more will I nag he can drink whenever he wants. So I avoided him as much as possible yesterday until he started with the jealousy. If i'm not giving it to him then I must be giving it to someone else.... I can't handle one man in my life why would I want 2?? I decided to go to my daughters to get some peace so that I would be able to funtion at work today. He then started the suicidal crap... saying he was going to burn the house down with him in it. He asked God to take him and told me he knew he was going to Hell. I don't know how much more of this I can endure. I have this hate in me and then I feel so guilty that I can't help him. But then does he even want help, he's so freaking miserable that he wants me right there feeling the same. Well i'm just about there! The name calling the searching in my panty draw and accusing me of cheating. The insane jealousy of everyone that get my attention.
I don't know how to fake it anymore all I need is a few more years to get these girls grown or atleast get to a point where I can support myself and them. As much as I dream of a fantasy love and happiness I don't know if I will ever trust another man. Why is it so easy for them all I want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out. Thank God for my kids and grandkids they keep me here.
Any sugesstions short of killing him! Just kidding....
Replies
Ugh what horrendous weekend!!! I’m so sorry you are going thru all of this and have been for years. I know what you mean about feeling so hateful. I worry that I truly do hate my AH. I’ve never felt such hate in my life. Even if my AH changed over night and turned into the best husband/father idk if I could ever feel the love for him that I once did. I’m sorry I have no good advice for you:/ one day maybe we will all have happiness. With or without our AH. Hugs my friend. Stay strong. Try to remember it’s all just a mental game they’re playing. Always trying to place the blame on someone else and make everyone else as miserable as they have made themselves. It’s really disgusting. And infuriating! Ugh. Hang in there. Xo
thanks ella! I know what u mean, I'm losing everything for my AH more and more every day. I'm so ready to just get away from it, If things don't go the way he wants then i'm the one that has to suffer. I used to have the sober times that I could talk to him I don't even have that anymore. When he's sober he doesn't wanna hear me nag. So whats left? Hope u have better luck in your adventure!
I hear ya! When my AH has been hungover he has asked me to help him. So I set up a plan of action and while he feels miserable and hungover he agrees to it and promises to try. Then obce he is feeling better he calls me a nag or tells me to stop b*tching at him. And usually by the weekend is back to partying and drinking. Two weeks ago he got SUPER SUPER drunk and we had a horrendous fight. We were in the process of buying a house and I wanted to get out of the deal. But he swore he would never drink a drop again if I just gave him the one last chance. Well we closed on the new house and moved last week. And he has been a total grump for the last three days. I’m so bummed out. We are in this new house out in the country, I’m trying to unpack and make this place feel like home but I’ve got the grumpy farm cloud hanging over me. Usually I can get over feeling bummed out by spending some time with my family to get my mind off of things. But I just can’t shake the bummed out depressed mood right now. Just wanna sit and cry. These jerk men don’t even care what they put us thru. Hang in there friend. I vote tomorrow we should each do something nice just for us! Get a good workout in, get a manicure or even just get a new nail polish and do it yourself, do something for yourself!