~~Hello To All My Friends~~~

Well here it is august 21 2013, and I am still here which is good but also its been a very long road, for I I do have some days which are good while others are not so good but I am a Survivor, I will beat this thing yet and maybe if I am lucky I will live ling enough to see a cure for this thing they call HIV.. I do believe God does perform miracles for I am a standing testimony to his healing power, here it is a little more then a year later and I am nothing compared to what or who I was a year ago, Last februrary I was admitted to the Hospital literally looking like a leper and bleeding all over the place and dying and not even knowing why I looked like a very bad rendition of a zombie flick, and scared to death and feeling all alone,  I remember when I was younger I used to take so many things for granted life included I thought I was immortal so to speak and that I could conquer the world, I was woken so quickly it was not even funny for some of my friends they know some of my story, but for others lets take a minute to look back  to februrary of last year I woke up bleeding all over the place from every part of my body and covered in patikia from head to toe or for those who don't know what that is it means platelettes so low ur bleeding out from under the skin all over which I was at one time they thought I had leukemia because of just losing my mothers brother to leukemia and it was sort of similar to what happened with him, but nope was even more worse then that as I layed in the ER  not even having the slightest clue what was goin on I was told basically I was dying or going to die if they couldn't find out what was wrong so as I lay here freaking out and screaming out to god what is wrong with me, they came back and told me we don't know how to tell u but u have HIV, I was like do what how in the why me I didn't even know what to say except omg I am going to die and I don't even know why or how or  nothing for I never did drugs and I wasn't one to mess around and I had not been in surgery of any kind to be exposed so how in the world did I have HIV, I made the doctors do another test because I didn't believe them and they did and sure enough I was POZ. Now I spent the entire month of februrary in the Hospital fighting for my life , but in that time I learned a lot about myself but not just about myself but about my Faith, one nite I went down tot he chapel and as I was   sitting there crying and feeling sorry for myself and blaming God for this, as I sat there I looked up to where the podium was at in front it was then that I heard a voice and people can tell me all they want that I was on meds or whatever but I know what I saw and what I heard, I looked up and saw 2 of the most beautiful angels , I cant even begin to describe them  for theyre are no words to explain it, and as I sat there with my mouth literally hanging on the floor one of them spoke to me telling me its going to be ok you are going to be ok for God has other plans for you and he is here with u and always has been all u half to do is allow him to heal u and believe in him and your faith and u will be ok. well me I was like omg im hallucinating or something but nope . a few days later as I was on the third level of the parking garage not a car or another soul around anywhere as I was contemplating jumping to my death and ending it all , all of a sudden out of no where the whole garage began to shake and this loud booming voice was like what are u doing I give you life and this is what you do with it needless to mention scared the crap out of me but I was so distraught I didn't know what to say or do but I fell to the seat in front of me literally and started screaming and cussing at God and blaming him for what was going on with me , then all of a sudden I felt a warmth surround me and him telling me you are going to be fine you need to go upstairs and work on getting better and I will deal with the rest of things for I have a greater plan for you and you need to be well in order to do what I need u to do.  well I got up and went back upstairs and cryed myself to sleep but at the same time I felt better inside I wasn't so angry anymore I started thinking the next day when I woke up for one u can either sit here and just die or you can get better w alk out of the hospital hold your head up and do something about it, which I did a month later I walked out of the hospital and started a whole new journey I knew I was going to half to face good and bad days but with him I knew I could conquer anything he wished of me, and one nite as I was sitting out in the yard I heard his voice inside my heart telling me now didn't I tell you you were going to be ok now where is your faith you claim to have and he was right when things were going good I was always so quick to enjoy it but when things weren't so good I was so quick to start blaming God or wondering why me, One of the things I have learned from my journey so far is Life is not over and there are so many others out there who are much worse off then I am, over the past year God has blessed me in so many ways for one where I was living at I couldn't even take a hot bath I had to heat water to bathe I had no stove to cook on I had to make do with other things to cook with also the house was cold, in the winter and had black mold in it as well which I knew was going to make me very sick if I didn't get out of it asap, and what I did was one nite I was sitting outside  in the yard and I I started to pray asking God to help me find a place to live which would keep me healthy and warm and all so I could cook and bathe and take care of myself for if I was sick then I could not do what he wished of me , and he heard my prayer for not even just a few mnths later we were blessed with a 3 bedroom home with hot water and gas to cook with and granted it is a fixer upper to some degree but at the same time its livable and safe and healthy and we can work on fixing it up over time to what we really wish  it to be, also I can say God blessed me with many other things as well the one friend I spoke of in my past journal she now lives with us and she is doing awesome her cd4s are going up quick and shes happy and healthy and we are all enjoying life so much more now and stopping to look at even the simpliest of things and not taking life for granted anymore for myself as well as the rest of them have learned just how precious life really is and that Life does not stop all because of HIV, and that as long as we take care of ourselves and do what we half to do all will get better and better but first and foremost the one thing I have learned more then anything is God is always with me even in bad times he is still there for me no matter what and will never leave me and just knowing that in my heart and spirit is worth more t hen anything I could ever have on earth for my riches are with him in heaven when he is ready for me     , im just here right now living life and doing his work and being there to help others and just be an ear for those who need one as well as a friend to those who also need me as a friend, I love both my Husband and my Sister as I call her now more then life itself and have grown so much over the past year and one thing I have come to know is loving urself and others is the greatest Joy one could ever know