HELLO TO ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS

hi everyone:) as i haven't been around again for a while i thought it's high time i showed my face.  it's not that i havent wanted to get on here.  it's more like the 'not enough hours in the day' scenario and i have to apologise for not being here for you all. since beginning of august last year when my tx started life has been totally hectic.  i had no end of probs with my kids schooling so i pulled them out and have been home educating them for the last year, my, now almost 17 year old, son went through hell on tx and failed so he has to wait for new cure, but he has time on his side and minimal damage and all of this, together with the courtcase about happenings in my childhood it all pretty much dominated my life and emotions.  it's been a tough time all round and i've had no time for me, but hey i got through it.  i'm still here and i still have my brain.  well, when it works lol.   through tx i responded well.  UNFORTUNATELY though, i have relapsed.  where to go now?  hmmm.  cos my liver's in quite a bad way, they told me that the tx i went through was my only chance so i have asked them to look into the possibility of clinical trials.  i had a long chat with them a couple of days ago and will see them again in march.  in the meantime, i have to go for all sorts of tests to learn what my body can withstand.  a transplant isn't ruled out completely, neither are trials and neither is another stretch of tx (they say i would have to do a minimum of 76wks and when i finish that i would stay on interferon permanently, but on a lower dose).  BUT it all depends what my body can withstand as to what they will offer.  they tell me they are prepared to take a "gamble at this stage" and whatever they offer will be a gamble, but hey, i wanna see my kids grow up, so i dont care.  i'm prepared to take the gamble. although this is a bit of a kick in the teeth, i'm still positive and make a joke of it all.  i wont let it drag me down and dont stay down for long.  i got the news one day, my family were here, we all had a good cry cos of the shock, but i told them that's it now.  life goes on and we have to move on.  it isn't the end of the road yet i told them and the next day i woke up with my gloves off and ready to fight.  i will beat this beast and that's for sure. i'm not saying "woe is me", quite the opposite cos i know there are ppl on here in a worse state.  i guess i'm trying to pass on a bit of my positive attitude to those that need it.  "smile and the world smiles with you, weep and you weep alone."  however heavy your heart feels, try to laugh cos it does help.  stress makes us ill so try not to stress too much.  instead, smile.  try to make light of everything, even shrug it all off if you can cos what else can you do?  be positive about the outcome cos a positive attitude leads to a positive outcome.  be strong and be happy. i love you all xxxxxxxxxx