HELLO MY FRIENDS

It has been forever since I've checked in here and just typing brings me back to all the kind  thoughts, helpful words and yes some playful flirting I have exchanged with many over the years.  I just check in on a few more frequent posters for the moment and I see some of the very same....those who accept and are content with themselves and their choices. Then there are those who do seem to have many disappointments yet do find some joy in the smallest of things.... a hug, a conversation that they struck up with another which has proven a very positive one for both concerned even simply taking time to enjoy a beautiful day (even when you dont believe there are any). Then there are a few that I do worry about and wish I could hug them out of it. A few who are constantly in search of something to make them look or feel better... who I believe are convinced they must not deserve to be happy or that God is completely ignoring.  

In truth, I do believe I may have experienced all of these. Right now, I have recently had some very good cries (I must admit due to some very close similarities in a few movies that brought my memories to the surface) Ive also felt that loneliness, but cannot say too much as I have not really stepped up or ventured out. I am still working part time at the grocery store I have been with for over 27 years. I have actually decided to quit the end of this year. I will miss my coworkers and I really do enjoy interacting with the customers but since my insurance coverage ends with them, there is no reason for me to stay.  I have been listening to some other friends stewing about some issues with unfairness with pay (as well as other injustices I've witnessed over the years) and I've decided I do not have to put up with it. I've finally had enough.

I do think I will look for something else to do (work wise) part time. I need to be around people and it will become far too comfortable if I simply stay home and isolate myself. I am in the process of finding quotes and securing insurance from January 1, 2024 until August 31, 2024.  (Until Medicare kicks in from disability)  I extended my lease with my current apartment which I am quite content in (but realistically it is far too expensive so I am going to check into something more reasonable) and will be  here until November 1, 2024.

My sister is getting very bad with her dementia, but her family (Brother in law and Nephew)  are simply avoiding the problems. The problem is she and they are very stubborn and bull headed so when they try to get her to do what she should she balks and does as she pleases .  Hubby cooks and shops for them good healthy food and some snacks but she has decided she doesn't like veggies and seldom eats decent meals. She pests me and her neighbors to take her to the store. She will buy 3-4 half gallons of ice cream, at least 2 packs of big Hershey bars, 6 fresh doughnuts, and some danish and this is every week (sometimes more)  We don't think she's taking her medications (when Frank tries to remind her she ignores him as they don't really get along)

  She forgets why she calls me, what day it is, and her stubbornness does also now come to an urgency as to when she realizes she needs something, she expects me (or others) to drop everything and take her that very minute. I have learned to step back and take a breath and do sometimes ignore her calls. 10 in one day.sometimes something I already told her 2 messages before. She does not want to be alone yet she wants to stay in her house, sometimes can't even turn on the tv. Her neighbor stopped me to tell me that now she is starting to wander. Last week she walked across to the neighbor's then to the end of that parking lot and had to ask how to get to her apt (which was actually within view of where she was) I do wish she wassafe, around others for some companionship and looking after, but this is not my responsibilty.

As I see how her family is not dealing with her problem I realize it was silly for me to put my BIL in charge of takind care of my last wishes. (which I never really did legally or on paper yet)  So now I am looking to plan on getting my own ducks in a row.  It may seem a bit morbid at times, but I do think once I have done it I will be content and find some relief. I have had well with PT for issues and now am working to improve a few more. Ultimately with the stress of work and having to deal with sis I have turned to some emotional eating (grabbing something quick and full of carbs rather than taking time to prepare the healthy stuff in my fridge.) Thus making the scale go up and down (sadly not enough of the later) so that does sometimes aggravate current problems.

It is funny.... as I look at my endless typing here, I realize, I cannot even stop in without dropping yet another book  ! HAHA  It is the ease I feel here, the urge to open up to share and my hope of TO LISTEN to all of you who want to share an update of your own. I'm sorry I've stayed away so long. 

With love and hugs (and yes even a few gropes here and there. lol)   KIM