Hello Again :)

SO. It's been forever and a day sicne I"ve been on this wonderful site to talk to all my girls. I've been working very hard on myself and some of that hard work payed off, some didn't. Regardless, I recently started thinking about my priorities, and what things deserve my time and what thnigs don't. I've been neglecting DS and the strong, amazing friendships I've made, and for that I"m truly sorry. I've decided that this is one of the things that needs to be made into a priority. So I'm going to try to start coming back on here regularly. This site helps me so much more than the otehr negative shit I've been devoting my precious time to.  So a brief (okay, maybe not so brief) summation of what I've been up to. Surprisingly, eating issues havent plagued me at all in the past month or so. I hope I'll still be welcome in the eating disorder community despite that fact that I'm not strugglnig right now, because soem of my best friends are on there and I'd love to be able to offer support to those having a hard time, because s you all know, I've been there. I have been restrict/purge free as of September 16th, 2008, and that is one thing I am very proud of. However, I have been struggling very much with cutting and depression. I am more depressed than ever before. I am often sad and hopeless, and I get anxious a lot too, wondering what my lfei will become. I'm very sad to asy this because I feel awful being so cowardly, bu I have become mildy suicidal, without taking active steps to carry anythnig out. There is so much I don't understand, and it gets far too ovcerwhelming at times. I didn't get actual parts in any of the plays, and literally everybody else did, which I was confused about. I didn't think I Was that bad. And I also didn't make it into A Cappella group, which is student run, meaning the other students get to decide who gets in. I feel cheated out of my chance to shine. I know I sound like a whiney brat, but I feel like things are so political with them. Like, it's based partly on talent, but also on your name, an who you are. This one girl, Jill, who I'd m,entioned before, I know for a fact is not better than me at singing, but her brother was a legend in the Drama Company, and therefore she got into the A Cappella group.          I struggle with staying optimistic and getting thru it alive. It makes me exhausted and nervous to talk about, so I'm gonna cut off there. But I'll be back. And I want you all to know you mean more to me than all other trivial things in my life. Thank you, And I love you.