Hello
Hello my dear SOTH's! After much persistance and patience, I finally found my way here (new password :)) - I feel @ home once again here with moms who get it and I always walk away with a bit of a light in my heart.. Summer is going by quickly. I just got home yesterday from Arizona after being there for a week. Boating, water, Jim's grandkids and 2 daughters, and the heat 115 degrees most days - I am tired and am enjoying my time alone tonight. (Jim comes back tomorrow.
I only had one melt down while I was gone - I try really hard to NOT have them or if I do, I have them when I'm alone as Jim just looks @ me like I'm crazy (guess I am @ that moment). Being around his daughters is okay for short periods of times - any longer than that and I start to feel jealous, emotionally drained and my heart is off and running.....I'm fortunate that they love me but to never be asked "how are you?" as time moves on without Jennifer or "how is Hunter?"......Keeping Jennifer alive in my heart, mind is something I do daily, but it sure is nice when someone refers to her or "remember when", etc. Sure miss her! Anyway, after spending the day with his one daughter who is pretty needy and demanding, Jim started complaining about her for awhile. I listened until something snapped and I yelled "at least you have a daughter" - she may not be what you want or need but geez, she's YOUR daughter. He got mad saying stupid things like ' " you are right, she's MY daughter and I can complain about her if I want....and there you go we are off and running saying stupid things that are so hurtful - iF ONLY HE WOULD HAVE SAID, I'M SORRY YOU DON'T HAVE JENNIFER......We are over it now but the empitness lingers.....SIGH
Hunter is doing well - spent 2 weeks in PA, Indiana and just got back from Zion Nat'l Park in Utah ....I have plans with him nezt week. I'm grateful and am at peace with his iving situation. If we could post pic's - I would.
Well, just checkin' in - I'M BAAACK :):):)
Replies
SO happy that you are able to log in Vicki. Yay! I know that I had to try and try and others still cannot log on. Oh, to have our family and friends ask how we are doing and stay awhile to listen to what we say means the world, doesn't it? I'm sorry that Jim's daughters cannot be there for you in that way and certainly understand how that feels for me.
Savor your summer days as you work so very hard once the school year begins and grateful to hear that Hunter is doing well. Zion is one of my favorites and I can see him taking in that red rock desert and all it has to offer.
Gentle care dear friend and I've certainly been missing our soth. Hoping slowly they'll figure things out and be able to land once again in this incredibly loving and caring community.
Love to Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
It is so sad that we have to carry our heartaches alone, and when we have meltdowns we make those around us feel uncomfortable. That makes alone time so very special, when we can fully just BE!!!
Enjoy your time with Hunter, and give him an extra tight hug for being so precious!! Take good care of yourself, Vicki.
Loving hugs!! xxx
It is such a relief to be able to log on once again, isn't it? I understand the jealousy of those who are able to have their children near very well. It is a double sting now that our other son is choosing to be quite reclusive now too. Oh well, it is what it is, I guess. So I am sorry you don't have Jennifer near and I am sorry we don't all have our kids near, but I guess it is too much to expect others to see what is really in our hearts. Sigh. Enjoy the rest of your summer, these summer days seem to disappear too fast. Give Hunter a hug from us. Sending love, Leda
I get it.. my Jim has a daughter who is developmentally delayed. She's now in her 50's and lives in a home in south NJ... right after Jenn passed, he wanted to go see Cindy.. I said ok, as I did to almost everything at that time...on the way I broke down, and he realized it was NOT good for me to go... she is alive... she doesn't always know who we are, she can't walk, talk, eat.. but she's there.. and my Jenn isn't.
I know how I sound, and I feel like a shit when I feel it, but it's not fair that Cindy is breathing and Jenn's not .
Hugs... tight understanding hugs
MaryLou
I sure get it. Just had my Jerred' would have been 30th birthday. My boyfriend and I took out a balloon to the cemetery and when we got there I noticed that the lawnmower had run over and broke one of my frogs I had put out there on Memorial day. I lost it and all myb/f did is stand there looking away. At that moment I felt the most alone that I ever had. He has only experienced the death of his mom so really has no idea how to react, but still no excuse. He has his boys so does not get it either.
I am glad you were able to have a vacation and worked everything out with your hubby even though you still feel empty. We are here for you.
Loving hugs being sent your way with lots of sunshine from our angels,
Susie-Jerred's mom
I so understand the tension between you and your spouse. I so wish that I could have transferred my thoughts and feelings to my husband (or my adult children) in one lump package so that I did not have to explain how I felt--emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually...Like you, I would just shutdown and be overwhelmed and feel isolated and alone. There are no perfect answers or explainations to others...
I know that we all grieve differently on all levels, and I know that this is not comforting...it just plain is what it is. (((((Understanding hugs))))) AnnM
Hi Vicki. I am so with you. Ken isn't Ed's dad, Ed is my son from my 1st marriage. I too get jealous of Ken having his daughter (even though I hate feeling this way and,sm grateful he has her) & I get frustrated when he complains about her too. As much as others may want to they just cannot understand. In a typical relationship Ken & would both probably, at times "complain" about our kids but unfortunately for Ken he is not in a typical relationship anymore. We truly changed once our child passes away. Thank goodness we can come here where we are really understood and our children can be remembered.
So good to know your grandson is doing well. Enjoy your time with him.
Just know Jennifer is loved and remembered and honored here. Love and hugs, Linda
Sorry you are still struggling. I know what you mean about people being insensitive to how you might feel. I want to punch the ones who know what happened and still say, "What's wrong?" I have a friend who has nothing good to say about her son. It bugs me because he's trying really hard to get his life together. She could very well be grieving like me at any time. I am worn out after spending time with her.
So sad... I was thinking earlier how much I miss so many of the people who were once such a big part of my life... none more than my daughter Cara.... makes me screamingly angry quite often... I wish there was a way to know the right thing to do or say... even being a grieving mom I feel helpless in the face of another mom's grief... afraid to do or say the 'wrong' thing.... as always I hate that I understand... and that you understand... that any of us have to understand... but we do... and even though I hate it I am grateful to my SOTH. Hugs and Prayers for all of us. Elissa
I finally found the journals! It is good to hear from you. Men just don't get it. Joe rarely brings up Lisa's name. I say it often and he answers with one word. I am so sorry about your husband's response. It seems so simple to us. I am glad to hear that Hunter is doing well. Enjoy the rest of the summer! Tight hugs, M