Hell of a time

Haven't been around much lately ... the last six months have been hell interspersed with moments of peace or well-being. Been trying to see what my friends here have been up to; glad to see many are still around but found some "account deleted" or inactive for some time and it makes me sad ... although I realize in some instances, it might not necessarily be a sign their lives have gotten worse .. some, the contrary likely applies as healing and "real life" comes more into being. Just knowing some circumstances, though, I know that is not the case with some of thse I can't find indications of .... and I say a prayer for them. I know prayer CAN be a powerful thing, but mine don't seem so and it sometimes make me wish I could do something more concrete ... it is weird, though. I used to be a somewhat judgmental person, or if not judgmental, didn't give much thought to others' "situations" (predicaments?). It's pretty humbling, to say the least, to be walking the streets looking for cans to turn in for money ... and KNOW that except for a few people here and there, I'm "invisible" or likely, the "author of my own misfortunes". So there's my philosophical take on things lately ... and I guess an observation ... I will find myself thinking of people I've met, here or other places  ... paths cross and people make an impression or influence us in some way. Even so, it's a hard place to stay, what with all the stuff that comprises "life".
I've been exhausted and yet find my nights at least providing me more rest. Fewer nightmares ... had a dream about the divorce judge the night before last ... he invited me to his office to talk, but then he left me there and he was going to leave for the night! I'm sure that is direct parallel to "real life" as the state regulates marriage and divorce; people are forced under Court jurisdiction (for years!!) and yet, while the "professionals" go about their "everyday life", they leave us hanging!
Then last night, I had a helicopter (I wish!); there was other stuff going on but it got all jumbly and I couldn't remember it ... but I somehow got out of my helicopter and it kept going higher in the sky, like a helium balloon. I know that wouldn't happen! Oh, yeah, I remember there was some guy I don't recognize and I don't think I liked him but we were having some sort of quasi-affair; purely a physical thing from what I recall. Anyway, a relationship is about the farthest thing from my mind and has been for a while ...
One thing I have learned these past few months is that: when you reach into a garbage can to pull two soda cans out of the trash to turn in for money (at a closed tobacco shop) the police can get an additional four squad cars (including a K9 unit) on site within about 30 seconds ... but when your husband bursts through the door and starts hurling threats in front of a teenage daughter ... the police can't even write an accurate report.
I'll probably (I hope) catch up some more in days to come, but I gotta bust butt some more ... now that it is spring, I am hopeful to unsnarl some of the mess the NS and his psychopath brother created while profiting through fraud ... gad, what an IGNORANT system where nobody investigates anything (in the main). And of course, the system ALLOWS spouses to commit crimes that are crimes ... just not viewed as such when committed against spouses. You pretty much have to be shot or stabbed for any credence to be given ... and it tends to be easier to find attorneys who will defend or at least help complete a fraud than to find one who has the gumption to prosecute a divorce correctly ... seems I've only met (hired) cookie cutter lawyers who handle everything in the same way .... why should they care, as long as they get paid? I don't know the answer to that one yet ... nor whether it is completely true ... but have been reading a lot of attorney stuff when I have the chance: I have a LOT of respect for attorneys who uphold law and call out problems ... takes some courage ... which any attorney COULD have ... but many it seems, choose not to have. Leading to a disaster that our Courts have become. Particularly in terms of "Family Court" where often, a person gets harsher punishment than many criminals do .... that's a pretty serious and unjust consequence for the "crime" of merely being married ... especially when the other spouse turns out to be a con artist and fraud.
Guess I need to update goals ...LOL ... those definitely different.
Down lately, but not out.