Hell

I have been going through hell. Geo and I are pretty much over, after over 11 and a half years. We just are not in love with each other anymore. It's both of us, not one of us calling it quits. We are going to stay together until our lease is up in October, and I'm going to try and save money to move back to LA. My mother's Parkinson's is getting worse and worse... her husband is taking her to the hospital tomorrow since she is so weak she can't even get out of bed. I'm dealing with a lot of stress and mood swings, depression, and increased appetite. I haven't been gaining much weight, but I haven't been exercising and eating way more than normal. I don't know why. I see my psych tomorrow and I'm going to ask her about my food and moods, to see if there is something we can do. I go to see my mom on the 28th, and will be there until Feb 4th. My brother and sister are coming out too, for my birthday on the 3rd. That's a bit of stress for me, since I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in my life. I got in contact with an old friend the other night and I am thinking about pursuing a relationship with him in the future, once I am more stable and able to make rational decisions, as well as give me some time to heal from the pain I feel about Geo. When I met him he had no self esteem and no future, and now he says he wants to leave me because he deserves better, and wants to get into professional photography. I asked him what changed him, to make him get out of the depression he was in for most of his life, and when I wanted him to say me, instead he said his friend Heather. I can't tell you how much that hurt. I have been here by his side, and she is in Oregon and not with him and he picks her over me. He said after October, that's it. He doesn't care if he has to live in his truck alone, he doesn't want to be with me anymore. That really hurt too, I have been going through so much, and most of it alone since I don't have friends anymore. I don't have anyone here, and I don't have anyone on the phone. I'm starting with a new therapist next week and I hope I like her. I need some support and insight into my life. I'm just so down I don't know what to do. Don't worry about me. If I feel like I am a danger to myself I am not against going to the hospital. It might even be a relief after having to put up with Geo. I don't know. There are a lot of unknowns in my life right now. Any support would be appreciated.