Heavyness

I do not know where to start. Or where to see where my life is. I have been a compulsive liar since i can remember and i try to stop i try to get myself to tell the truth and make it better. Yet the next day i fail. I fail my husband and children and most of all I have fail my God. I spit on that which He did for by dying on the cross for me. Taking away my need to lie and sin. Yet when i open my eyes i lie and lie. For no reason. I have a supportive husband and yet i fail him. He stands by me yet when it comes to be the woman i am meant to be i lie. I lie and it killing me and him. It killing my marriage and it going to kill me soon.