Heavens Gate
My daughter & I had been estranged for thriteen years when her father taunted me with the thoughts of her terminal cancer. His words “But she doesn't want to see you and she doen't want to talk to you and she's doesn't want you to know.” cut into my heart and left me mortally wounded. I wondered why his eyes were so happy when he told me our daughter was dying.
Unless someone has looked into the eyes of a Psychopath they do not understand how hipnotic those eys can be. I use to call it his “evil twinkle but as I did the reseach for my book I learned those eyes where actually called “Snake Eyes” and I really was not surprised because beneath the exterior of a loving caring father lay a heart as cold as stone.
Maybe it happend because I had to be completely submissive to Christ before he could mold me into the person He wanted me to become. Maybe it was just another one of Don's nasty tricks of trying to force another suicide attempt. I don't think he had ever experienced such a sense of power like the power trip he had when he had driven me to that point the 1st time.
Don had crushed me before but never to that degree. My child was going to die and I was never going to see her again or talk to her again. Had I really been that bad of a mother? Did my own daughter hate me that much?
Lisa was a survivng twin, I was a surviving twin. Together we were a whole person and now I was going to loose her forever and not even know if I would ever even see her in Heaven. This was to much to bear. I spent the next five days writting letters to my pastor, my friends and my children. I was ready to grab my meds & head for the harbor when once again I felt my sister's presence just as surely as I had that night in 1993. Calmly I dailed the COAST number and waited for them to come and take me to the hospital where they would help me.
He asked me that day to compose a list of my family members who died of cancer so he could give it to Lisa, then he suggested we go out for coffee after work so I could give him that list right away but he waited until after she had had the 2nd masectomy to ensure I would receive her negative reaction and have a clear target and an avenue for her to express her rage.
But with the help of the Lord I over came yet another nasty trick, and Lisa & I spent a few hours each month having lunch together. And of despite her father's objections when she realized our time was compromised when she went to him 1st she switched her visitations around and came to me 1st then to him, so inspite of him we were able to bond once more. Although she believed with her final breath that her father walked on water and I was the manipulatating wife that broke her father's heart, she forgave me and that gave me the courage to finally forgive him completely.
When my best friend and five members from my church family arrived at the Memorial Service. I went to my grandson (who did not know me from Adam) and told him that when it was his time to go to heaven his auntie would be standing by the gate to welcome him home. As I stood up Marita handed me a Memorial Card & I showed her the one on my phone as joy flooded my soul I whispered “she's telling me she made it."
Little did I know that that was not going to be the only time Lisa would rock my world that day. About an hour later I walked by the memorial stand & to my shock the cards bore the picture of a mountain stream. I grabbed one quickly, confused, overjoyed and bewidered until I realized that hand of God was in motion. I asked others if they got a card & they all had but I was the only one with the garden gate.
I have never felt so loved or so cherished as I did after Lisa's promotion to Heaven because during those weeks I was wraped in the arms of the Lord, God, Almighty, Himself. In my pictures are the picture I showed my grandson & the one on the card Marita had handed me. Next to it is the one on everyone eles's card.
Have you seen the hand of God in motion? If you have please drop me a line and let me post it on the new blog page that is going to be up and running by the 1st of May. It will be called
The Cornerstone Garden
by martha
Every night I read my Daily Bread Devotional before I go to bed and there last night I found the conformation I had asked the Lord for. I thought I knew what He wanted me to do and now I know what the Lord's desire for me is.
Thankyou all for the help and encouragement you have given me for through this website I have finally found my calling (other than writting my book that is) and writting children's stories. LOL I love you all and pray God will bless you the way he has blessed me. Catch ya all tomrrow love ya all martha
Replies
I am glad you were able to spend some time with your child. It truly was a blessing. I am sorry for your loss, but celebrate your victory.
Hugs-RJ
I\'m so sorry for your loss, but I am also grateful that you have experienced. so deeply the touch of God\'s hand. Much love
I am so sorry you lost your child but grateful you spent some time with her. I am so glad you did experience the touch of God\'s hand. Lots of love.
I am so sorry about your daughter. Prayers.
I know how it feels to lose a daughter, and I know how hurtful it can be when she is kept from you for so long. My ex did that with my daughter. I didn\'t see her from age of 6 to 12. When she passed away, he hit me with asking me to sign a paper agreeing to her cremation. I screamed \"No\" and yelled at the funeral director, but finally I had no choice. So now my daughter\'s ashes are at a crematorium an hour away from me, so I never get to go visit her grave or bring her flowers. Yet, I know she is in Heaven waiting for me there. Then I will spend an eternity with her, and my ex will lose that chance since he\'s not a Christian. I feel for you, Martha! May God bless you too, as He has blessed me with so much goodness in my heart, and thankfulness in my soul for all those who have helped me get through the days, and long nights. Lots of love, my dear friend!
So sorry ,Can only imagine how much it hurts . My pray is for GOD to hold you tighter .