Heartbroken

Hi all! On September 20th I went in to have my first ultrasound. I was 10 weeks and 4 days and super excited to see our baby! The ultrasound tech was super quiet during our appointment and didn’t show us the screen. I knew something was wrong but had to wait until Monday (10/2) to have it confirmed. The ultrasound showed that the embryo was only measuring 8 weeks 2 days and there wasn’t a heartbeat. I then had another ultrasound the next day to confirm I had a missed miscarriage. I scheduled a D&C for the next day. It will be one week tomorrow since the D&C procedure and I find myself getting more and more depressed each day. I want so bad to be pregnant and start a family. This is killing me knowing that I would have been 12 weeks today. There is also a part of me that blames myself. When I first found out I was pregnant I wasn’t super excited, I was scared and didn’t feel that I was ready. Though my husband and I planned on getting pregnant I expected it to take a lot longer than it did. As the weeks went on I was warming up to the idea and was looking forward to being a mom by the time we realized we had lost the baby. I worry that I caused the miscarriage. I ran a 5k around 8 weeks and part of me can’t help but wonder if that’s what caused it. I’m just struggling dealing with the overall heartbreak that comes with a miscarriage and the guilt that this could be my fault. I’m trying to stay positive and to distract myself but every night I end up crying myself to sleep and can feel myself pushing my husband away. Any insight, stories, experiences would be appreciated.