Heartbroken
My first journal entry here. I'm actually kind of excited to get some of these feelings out on paper (or the internet - lol).
So, on Wednesday we got the call that the blood work came back as a BFN for our latest FET. This was our first transfer, but I thought for sure it would work. We are young and we deserve this now. Granted, we've only been trying for almost two years and there are people who have tried longer, but there is nothing wrong with us (that we know of) so this has to work. The specialist's success rate is 70/80% to get the BFP (50% live birth). Those are some good odds and I thought they would be in our favor. Well apparently, something HAS to be wrong but I just don't get it. We did everything right, I was on modified bed rest after the transfer for 3 days just to be safe (my specialist doesn't even require BR). I stopped working out and trying to stay positive. However, my gut feeling was that it didn't work. At the end of the two week wait, I knew it was going to be negative and was thinking, oh awesome, I can play soccer this week, oh awesome I can't wait to have a glass of wine, oh awesome I can workout hard again. How stupid of me. I would LOVE to give up all of that to be pregnant. But here I am again, getting back into shape (2 weeks off is rough!), enjoying my wine (or trying to) and playing my sports.
So, back to the waiting game. Oh how I love to wait. I feel like all we do is wait. Now I'm waiting on AF. Waiting to see the specialist on Wednesday to see what he wants to do, wait until we can do our last FET with the two frosties that we have left. Yes, we can try on our own, but what good has that done? Just more heartbreak when those turn up negative.
So, on Wednesday we got the call that the blood work came back as a BFN for our latest FET. This was our first transfer, but I thought for sure it would work. We are young and we deserve this now. Granted, we've only been trying for almost two years and there are people who have tried longer, but there is nothing wrong with us (that we know of) so this has to work. The specialist's success rate is 70/80% to get the BFP (50% live birth). Those are some good odds and I thought they would be in our favor. Well apparently, something HAS to be wrong but I just don't get it. We did everything right, I was on modified bed rest after the transfer for 3 days just to be safe (my specialist doesn't even require BR). I stopped working out and trying to stay positive. However, my gut feeling was that it didn't work. At the end of the two week wait, I knew it was going to be negative and was thinking, oh awesome, I can play soccer this week, oh awesome I can't wait to have a glass of wine, oh awesome I can workout hard again. How stupid of me. I would LOVE to give up all of that to be pregnant. But here I am again, getting back into shape (2 weeks off is rough!), enjoying my wine (or trying to) and playing my sports.
So, back to the waiting game. Oh how I love to wait. I feel like all we do is wait. Now I'm waiting on AF. Waiting to see the specialist on Wednesday to see what he wants to do, wait until we can do our last FET with the two frosties that we have left. Yes, we can try on our own, but what good has that done? Just more heartbreak when those turn up negative.
Replies
Welcome to the group, though I hope you can leave us soon for better things! It sucks that a perfectly good cycle doesn\'t work. I get the numbers, and I think \"at some point this actually has to go in my favor right?\" Right?
\"Oh how I love to wait. I feel like all we do is wait.\" I couldn\'t agree more!! In the preparation for this current frozen (I\'m in my tww), we had to wait because my lining wasn\'t ready. I flipped shit, sobbing like a nut. My husband was like \"babe, its just a few days, we can do it!\" but for two years all I\'ve been doing is waiting for literally everything. It\'s beyond tiring.
Hey Jat, welcome to DS, Sorry for your BFN, infertility is such a bitch of a waiting game, hold tight, like quitthepickle said, at some point those good numbers have to be in your favor!!
Susan
Welcome to DS...so very sorry about your BFN:( They are so hard. I just had a failed FET as well. I hope you find this group of wonderful, kind ladies as helpful as I do. It helps to know your not alone. Wishing you lots of luck and a BFP on your next FET.
Welcome to DS. This is a great site full of wonderful women and tons of support. I had my first FET and found out it was a BFN on Thursday from a HPT, but confirmed it with my RE on Friday. I am also heartbroken. I\'ve had 3 failed IUIs. I am 43 though, so my odds are much lower than yours. Hang in there, your success rates sound really good! Hoping your next FET brings you a BFP!!! Big hugs.
So sorry hun. BFNs suck. Its amazing what we all would give up just to be pregnant like our wine and working out! I would happily get fat! I hope you find some answers at your appointment and lots of support here!
Welcome JAT. So sorry about your BFN. It\'s so hard to end a transfert that way. I know how you feel about waiting. I just had my 3rd mc and need an other lap and don\'t now when that will be.
I\'m sure your RE will try to do see what he can do for your next FET. Your odds look good so this next transfer might bring you your BFP.
DS has helped me a lot wtih dealing with AF. I hope it will do the same for you.
Big hugs.
Hey There, I\'m sorry for your BFN, Good luck with those 2 frosties :)
it is very heartbreaking and a time of such reflection and wondering about what you could do different, The truth is there\'s NOTHING... but to go AGAIN and get back on track and try again :) hopefully next time is the one
Aww, you ladies are so great. Thank you for your comments.
Welcome to DS lady! So sorry about your BFN, I totally know how you feel with the \"yay I can workout and drink wine\", I mean I feel bad too but at the same time I think, I deserve it, might as well if it\'s negative. I\'m on my second IUI so I know all about the waiting game, it\'s so frustrating.