Heart of Hearts
In my heart of hearts, I am not dong very well. I have much to be thankful for but somehow in those dark places that no one sees, only I know they are there and what they are hiding, or filled with, I know I am not doing very well.
Hunter's graduation was awesome - kept turning around to see his mom walking towards me - tears fell, when I didn't want them to - hugged Hunter, hoping to bring his mom back ..... maybe that's why I am not doing well right now - it is the aftermath of emotions just catching up to me....
I'm @ the beach this week house-sitting/dog sitting for a friend's mom. It's definitely my happy place and I have time to just BE whcih I need.....I think I am working so much doing summer school and I am so very tired - in my heart of hearts, I'm just so sad.
Sending hugs and love to you all - Vicki, always Jennifer's mom
Replies
Sometimes in the busy of trying to do for others, we forget about us. I do that quite often. I give n give and eventually it catches up. I’m sending you hugs and understanding Jennifer’s mom.
❤️
Vicki, this is such an intense roller coaster ride of a myriad of emotions that just fire away all the time and take up a huge amount of energy. I have often questioned myself, "what is the natural aging process and what is grief?" I always seem to feel that it's a double whammy and both of them colliding into one another and add on top of that your work schedule and yes, TIRED is what you feel and are. I get it!
I so wish that Jennifer had been at Hunter's graduation and these occasions as well as all the ones in-between compound an already very complicated grief.
Gentle care as you just BE however you need to BE and this our safe haven where the masks slide off and no one will tell you that you "should" be feeling any other way that you are.
Thinking of you and your dear Jennifer and please feel our hands and hearts as you have them.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
Oh Vicki, I understand. How we long for our child, especially at these times that are so meaningful and such milestones. They should be joyous occasions through and through but are so bittersweet. I find the tears falling too on these occasions. It's ok, Vicki. Let them fall. We all understand.
Take the best care of yourself that you can. I find when I'm over tired I just don't recover well... I don't have the emotional resources if I'm over tired or not feeling well. As Joanie pointed out, the grief coupled with the aging process can really leave a person feeling overwhelmed. Empty.
May the beauty of the beach and the sweet doggy kisses comfort you.
Sending you lots of love and understanding and keeping you in my prayers.
Love to you and dearest Jennifer, Linda ♡
I understand the tugs of the heart strings when what we dream is not real. My daughter posted a sweet thing on FB about her brother on Fathers day. He never met his son in her words she said he would make the greatest dad, I do believe that myself, it brought tears to my eyes because I miss him and I saw the love in her words.
The water has healing properties so take advantage while you can. Soak up the love and the good memories.
Tight hugs
Penny
I am right with you Vicki. I have been crying ever since we got back from Europe. We've spent the last few days with our great granddaughters, and while it was wonderful (I smile when I am with them), as soon as I am quiet, all I want to do is cry. My emotions are all over the place.
I hope the sun and sea have been healing for you.
So happy for Hunter! Congratulations.
Tight hugs dear friend. Marlene
Oh Vicki, I know those places. The best thing we can do is bring them into the light. They have no power there. I love you and will be praying for the clouds to pass. I cannot wait to hug you in person and squeeze all of our broken bits together ❤️
I so understand, dearest Vicki. The dark places are indeed very dark & sometimes completely overwhelm us. I pray that better days will be coming soon.
How proud you must be of Hunter; I know that Jennifer is proud, too!! Hunter has accomplished so much & I know he has a bright future ahead of him, in whatever field he chooses to pursue. You have been a constant in his life & a great deal of his achievements are because of your loving & guiding presence. Congratulations to you both!!
Enjoy being at the beach this week! I hope that happier days are just around the corner for you.
Much love to Jennifer & her Mom from Charlie & me, Donna
Totally understand the dark place, we all go to occasionally. I go there quite often and live there for weeks!! Life drama along with the grief totally overwhelms me.
So great that you have a break at the beach, with a fur baby no less, lol Enjoy
((((HUGS)))), Julia