Heart is weeping...

Its been a couple days now that I haven't heard from him. I've been mad and sad. My heart is weeping for him. Sometimes I'm angry that he is there. Most times I'm unbelievably helpless and I don't know what to do for him. I don't know the law. I'm so busy getting him out of his troubles that I forgot about my own. Prior to his arrest I ended up getting myself into some legal matters. Hopefully its not something that will lead to jail time but I don't know. I need to try and focus on what's going to happen with that. I miss him so much I can't focus on much other than things that he asks me to do. I spent time with my kids the other night but I felt like I was just there. Not really enjoying the time. I can't go on living my life without him in it. Everyone says that I should... but I don't know how.This is foreign territory for me. I can't go on as if he was never here. My heart feels too much for him to even allow me to watch a movie without thinking of him. I'll be working and suddenly feel sorrow so deeply... Nothing I'm doing is even related to him or the issues we are going through but I'll need to cry so deeply... In front of coworkers. No one understands. Not even the one co-worker that has been through this. She just wants me to go on living and put all my energy into my kids. I tried that but it was futile... My heart belongs to the man I love. I love my kids. Nothing can ever replace them...but the way I'm feeling now.. makes it hard for me to enjoy them. My man has kids. I feel sad that he hasn't heard from them since his lockup. I should be enjoying my kids but my heart weeps for every moment I'm away from him. My love is strong for him yet, I feel I'm not doing enough. I'm not there enough. I may not be alone in helping him now but I still feel that way. His parents said nothing about helping him with any of this. Just that they sent a letter and money. He can't have the money unless its sent to his trust fund. How is that being helpful? I want him to call me and each passing day is treacherous. I wait by the phone and wait... i can barely eat with the stress. I am just starting to get back into my studies...but even that is hurting my heart. I was studying forensic psychology... Kinda close to real matters right now and working on this stuff gets me all too upset! Not sure what I'm going to do or where I'm going... I need my love. I can't deal with all the silence and distance. I just want to see him and talk to him... I know it takes time to get things going and supplies won't be there till thursday this week... it just feels like its been forever.... Everything hurts... emotions are haywire...