Hearing/Stutter Trigger

I still believe the HM (handyman) SNAFU did leave me triple triggered. 1) Middle aged children triggered. "Let Go and Let God" meditations were already underway. HM's 60 year old version slid nicely into the packet. 2) Dumb Broad triggered. That puppet show is a 60 year theme. I had no expectations of getting through the design and implementation of an aeroponics without plenty of culturally diverse racket from that internal peanut gallery.

Number 3 is the harsh reality which is filling my manic broadcast this morning. The hearing/speech weirds. The two are deeply interconnected, so separating one from the other feels somewhere between pointless and impossible. HM is a man of many words and zero empathy for hearing problems. Even the folks who know and care enough to work with me often forget and/or don't realize I didn't hear them. The problem is inconsistent enough that not even *I* can predict it from the inside. My short-hand for the wearisome phrase, "Sorry, I didn't catch that" is a quick flat hand motion to and from my ear. HM caught on to the signal easily, but I was getting bruises on the side of my face from the constant use of it. Nothing unusual there. That is common enough in the hearing community that, hearing impaired friends and I have played with designs for a little hand we can place on our shoulder instead of torturing ourselves with the on-going need to remind the world of our handicap. "Yes Sir/Ma'am. I really am deaf. Sorry for the inconvenience. No disrespect intended." One soul's inconvenience is another soul's torture.

No, I am not deaf. I often wonder if my hearing/speech weirds are worse than deafness. The inconsistency of them is maddening, both for me and the medical/psychiatric professionals who have tried to help me with them. Theories abound on the mechanics of it, but the proper pigeonhole for ^it^ remains elusive. Try to explain THAT to all the well-meaning souls who wonder if I have ever considered a hearing aid. Have you ever considered a bandage for your mouth?

I hope the written rant helps. The worst of the literal bruise in front of my right ear is the result of the OCD rants with people who aren't here. God please grant me patience. NOW, goddammit!