Hearing

Well tonight I had a heated discussion with Brenda about my hearing.She seems to be getting madder and mader every time I can`t hear her tell me something when she knows that I have trouble hearing and she insist`s that she is not turnning away from me when she say`s something but I have noticed that she does it just to see if I can hear her.Tonight she said something about me getting a hearing aid AGIAN.We have gone over this time and time agian about not being able to affored one and they won`t let us pay for one on credit(I had already tried to get one that way).And right now we can`t and I won`t let us put out extra money for it,we are already strapped for the money that we have at this time. She brought it up that I need to just suck it up and go get one because she thinks that I am missing out on a lot by not being able to hear all of some of the conversations that have gone on in the past about my doctors appointments and even just daily conversations. I think that I know better than she does what I am missing out on but I would rather put food on the table and a roof over our heads than to be left out on some conversations.YES I AM GETTING TIRED OF IT!!!!! BUT WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT. We can`t afford it so it is just going to have to wait. I don`t know what she expects from me,I know it is frustrating for her to have to tell me some of the things that I miss, But dosen`t she understand that certian things come before our personal needs. Like paying the bills on time and getting things done that we start to do.I commend her for wanting to go back to school and getting through all of the begining Algebra classes that are required for any degree,but this is the secind time that she has over extended herself and had to drop a class and this time she got a student loan without talking it over with me and now we are having to pay it back. I don`t know maybe I should just sit at home and not do anything anymore. I thought that maybe I should try and get a part time job or try one of those work at home programs but all of the part time jobs watn you to work at least 30 hours and that is not an option for me.If I get paid over $400 a month then I am in trouble with SSDI,and then there are my ristrictions that have to be complied with or I am in trouble agian for violating them.Damned if I do and Damned if I don`t. And now with the economy in as bad of shape as it is no one is really even hiring anyone in the first place. I know that part of the problem is that I would like to work doing something just because that Is the way that I am and the way I feel about me not working and not being able to support us in the way that I have been used to is driving me MAD. YES I KNOW I PROBABLY NEED TO GO SEE A SHRINK, BUT THAT COST MONEY BY THE BUCKETS THAT WE DON`T HAVE EITHER!!!!!!!!!!UUUUUUUGGHGGI just wish I had all of the answers,and on top of all of this my computer is running so slow that I could turn it on and twenty minutes later it is still not connected to the internet and when I add something to some post on here I go back later to check on it and it has been deleted,who the heck is responsible for doing that.Isn`t that censorship and isn`t that not allowed.I mean what I had posted wasn`t any thing big but I did have some questions that I wanted to ask and I didn`t think that any of it was bad in any way.Things like this are some of the reasons that I am seriously considering getting off of DS. I mean if we can`t ask questions or try and give advice then why are we here.I think that I better get off of here before they send the internet Police after me for writting something that I shouldn`t have even thought about.Sorry if I upset anyone but ...................