Healthy sex

Think I am going to refrain from discussing sex. Thought it would be ok but now feel paranoid about people thinking I have an addiction. I keep people at a distance and am trying to break that and go out of my comfort zone with small steps. Maybe I need to do things differently. Maybe it is not time to deal with sexuality or opening up feelings or thoughts to guys/men. I don't want people to think less of me. A good sexual relationship with a loved one/SO is important but it feels like if you are single and female, it's like you aren't supposed to think about sexuality because you are considered a slut or easy or in some way less than if you do. Maybe it would be better to wait until I am in a relationship which is something I avoid because I am very leary about allowing someone in my heart or life. I am not sure of the intention of some guy who wants to date me so I guess it comes down to not sure of my judgement of guys. So much deceit in the world. Just want to be desired or loved by someone who is genuine. Just confused about this stuff and not sure if I'm ready for dating. Don't really want to so I don't. I feel safer alone. It is more comfortable for me. I can joke about sex and enjoy dirty sex discussions and stuff like that. I want to keep growing and not be stuck but maybe I need to focus on something else right now. It sucks trying to recover from sexual traumas because you don't really know what's ok to say or do and how to relate with guys. It is frustrating, confusing and don't want do invite someone bad in my life. But I would like eventually be with someone with a good personality, character, takes care of himself, respectable, smart and has goals; someone enjoyable to share good days and bad days with. Commitment is so scary for some reason for me. Anyway, guess these are my relationship issues and fears. I don't know, I don't have the answer to all this. I don't want to think about this stuff much cuz I want to put my attention on doing something enjoyable. I have opened up a lot lately. Think I need to slow down.