Health and feelings
With all that is going on in life, I just can't believe or maybe I can that MS has to rear its ugly head and feel the need to punish me more, MS needs to realize that things like punishment is to be left up to God. Once again fever has to rear its power over you, this morning very late morning I get up to a fever of 102.2 I screwed up my shot last night in more ways than one. First I take it late because I wanted to talk to a nurse and second I did'nt take the end off the injector and just shot the med into the tube so now I had to wait to even later for a different one to warm up and I don't know what to do about a missing shot now. I could'nt believe the nurse said that while unusual to start getting fevers after not getting them since the start that it does happen as everyone's body is different that to basically try to push through it and if I have high fevers at the end of September to seek medical help, seems like a long time to wait.
I will push through and now know what red spots are that people talk about getting but on the other hand I can see where the last shot was and that I'm more into the muscle than the fatty area so I wonder if that is why the fever and I'm just feeling sick all over like there is something else going on but my blood work was just done and I got a green light so to speak. But some many symptoms are so enhanced and I'm so greatfull for Xanax and baclofen right now. I think I'm to the point of using my MMJ card now, it cost enough to get and there is a reason it is legal and has helped in the past.
I'm so greatfull for the support I've gotten through my MS family and that includes everyone here MS or not. I don't even know how to put it into words and the special people like Amy and Atheana who I've never met have helped keep my faith alive and prove that God has given me special people in my life and I will cheerish them the rest of my life. If the world was full of the kind and caring people like we have here it would be what God had in mind.
I'm feeling so depressed with the death of Brody and not feeling well that when I got up and was drinking my morning coffee I had a wave that came over that felt like, well not even sure how to explain it other than like being lowerd into a vat of water from head to toe and it was like the grip of death came over me and my depression brought me right to the dark side of thoughts and it flat out scared me, as I've lost complete control of my thoughts and actions in the past. I had complete feelings of guilt as I've been helping someone in real need, but they know what is going on and said they were'nt important right now and I did'nt respond and now worry that they just might think that there not important and something happend to them and that was a wave of guilt that came over me and I need to realize that I can't help everybody but I've been that way my whole life, trying and wanting to help other people and not thinking about trying to help myself, I wonder why I'm like that.
The year I was hit by a drunk driver I was on my way to work to help other people, maybe if I would've said no and stayed home I would'nt of been in that accident and I would of never gotten such a bad closed head injury and never woke the MS Monster. There are days I don't know what to think and feel like my faith in God is being tested and hope I pass the test and am able to stick to the new path he has given me to take. I feel like the path is always being changed and he is watching to see if I take the right one, and the whole time I ask him to walk by my side down whatever path I choose and pray that I've chosen the right one. I wish that there was more I could do to help Brody's family but I have days I feel lost and can't seem to find my own way so how can I help someone else when I'm like this. I guess I will leave it up to God now as he must have a plan for them.
I will push through and now know what red spots are that people talk about getting but on the other hand I can see where the last shot was and that I'm more into the muscle than the fatty area so I wonder if that is why the fever and I'm just feeling sick all over like there is something else going on but my blood work was just done and I got a green light so to speak. But some many symptoms are so enhanced and I'm so greatfull for Xanax and baclofen right now. I think I'm to the point of using my MMJ card now, it cost enough to get and there is a reason it is legal and has helped in the past.
I'm so greatfull for the support I've gotten through my MS family and that includes everyone here MS or not. I don't even know how to put it into words and the special people like Amy and Atheana who I've never met have helped keep my faith alive and prove that God has given me special people in my life and I will cheerish them the rest of my life. If the world was full of the kind and caring people like we have here it would be what God had in mind.
I'm feeling so depressed with the death of Brody and not feeling well that when I got up and was drinking my morning coffee I had a wave that came over that felt like, well not even sure how to explain it other than like being lowerd into a vat of water from head to toe and it was like the grip of death came over me and my depression brought me right to the dark side of thoughts and it flat out scared me, as I've lost complete control of my thoughts and actions in the past. I had complete feelings of guilt as I've been helping someone in real need, but they know what is going on and said they were'nt important right now and I did'nt respond and now worry that they just might think that there not important and something happend to them and that was a wave of guilt that came over me and I need to realize that I can't help everybody but I've been that way my whole life, trying and wanting to help other people and not thinking about trying to help myself, I wonder why I'm like that.
The year I was hit by a drunk driver I was on my way to work to help other people, maybe if I would've said no and stayed home I would'nt of been in that accident and I would of never gotten such a bad closed head injury and never woke the MS Monster. There are days I don't know what to think and feel like my faith in God is being tested and hope I pass the test and am able to stick to the new path he has given me to take. I feel like the path is always being changed and he is watching to see if I take the right one, and the whole time I ask him to walk by my side down whatever path I choose and pray that I've chosen the right one. I wish that there was more I could do to help Brody's family but I have days I feel lost and can't seem to find my own way so how can I help someone else when I'm like this. I guess I will leave it up to God now as he must have a plan for them.
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