Healing Yourself When Others Depend On You.
Here I sit. Aware that I've come to a point in my life where anxiety, daily physical pain and emotional distress are my unwanted yet consistent companions. I KNOW this too shall pass; however, the path through the valley of darkness seems to have grown a few miles since the last time I trudged through it. Yes, I know the journey of 10,000 miles starts with one step, so I walk and walk and walk.
I decided you see, to stop caring about other's emotions. This may sound harsh, but bare with me a few. I have spent needless hours worried how people feel about "me". Now am I running about calling people names or purposely saying or doing things to hurt them? Well of course not. What I mean about not caring about others feelings is that I am desperately trying to no longer put their emotional well being over my own. This is difficult for me as well I am a very anxious person and tend to "avoid" upsetting others as I too do not want to get overly upset. We all know in the long run that doesn't work out so well. I still end up getting upset and it is usually worse than if I had just been honest about the situation in the first place.
I think about how God would respond to me if I asked him if I should do something that make "so and so" very happy, but would cause me great emotional distress. In my heart, I know God would tell me sweetheart...you should not do this or that if it stresses you to the point of sickness. I also know he would wish me to be honest with the other person and gently explain why I won't be doing "whatever" that "so and so" wishes me to do. Seems so simple, but the catch..."so and so" that wants me to do "this or that" doesn't want to hear a soft no thank you, I need to pass on that one.
Why? I don't want to beleive its because "so and so" just doesn't care about me. I think it is because I've conditioned the people around me to always assume I will come through on whatever they want just because that is who I am. Now that I am beginning to step away from certain situations they are in a bit of shock (and don't respond well by the way :0) Which leads me to this. Must I uncondition them to believing I am here at their beckon call? How do I do this without emotionally hurting another? I'm trying to do this and failing but NOT giving up.
These next few weeks I am determined to stay on course. To continue to keep from things which cause me great stress or anxiety while explaining to others around me I just cannot handle "whatever" at this time. It isn't because I don't love you its because I need to love me too. Doesn't seem like a huge step to most but to me....I'm leaping chasms here. The point for me is to keep steady, keep holding God's hand and keep walking. Eventually, the valley of darkness I'm in will come to an end if I keep walking.
Today Marlen J published a devotional that just really hit home for me today. One phrase stood out and it seems to express this journey I'm on perfectly. One phrase that our Lord Jesus said so many years ago from John 5:8
Are you willing to be made well? Jesus said to the lame man, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” And he tells us the same.
So here I go....I'm walking. :)
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I just read that same devotional on a forum her3 on DS. But, the emphasizes was more on spiritual healing.
My husband is home from work. And I'm about to have an anxiety attach. Back with you asap.
So very sorry to hear about the anxiety attack....They are extremely frightening to fight through! I pray that God gives you peace and comfort as your regroup after you attack.
Yes, I understand what her emphasis was but that wasn't how God used it to speak to me. God is really good at making His point however He may when he wants to get my attention. I'm at a point in my life where I can stay where I am at and probably do just fine by worldly standards or I can choose to walk with Him. Recently I thought about how far I've drifted from God. How to get back to where I was in my relationship with Him. Where would I begin? Then I read the devotional and I heard God say to me through the devotional....Just get up and walk with me sweetheart, I know the way. Just trust me and walk with me and I'll do the rest. So that is what I am doing. Everyday even though the level of emotional drama in my life is still there, even though the daily pain is still there and even though everything is NOT as it should be, I can still....just pick up my mat and walk with God and I'm going to do just that. Everyday, one step after the other...I"m moving forward. God is a perfect Father.
Wow, that was eye opening.
This is the thing behind my posting scripture and devotionals on my forums.
Yes, God spoke to me through these scriptures. But, He uses them in a very different and personal way with others. They might see a completely different message because they are in a completely different place in their spiritual or life journey.
I so see you point of view.
I can so see Abba (the Hebrew meaning "daddy") using this story to tell you to follow Him in trust. He can see your future...and, He knows what is best for you.
Yes, yes...things don't always change in your daily routine. And, Satan works hardest on those that are actually doing "the Jesus thing".
You see, my philosophy is that he doesn't worry about those who are not following Jesus...weather saved or not saved. Mostly because they are not influencing others to come to Christ. But, the harder you work for Christ, you might influence someone to do the same. So...that's When he starts to worry!! So, continue to follow Christ.
And, remember, the more you look for Him, the more you will see Him!
BTW, thank you for praying about my anxiety attach.
Indeed! Thank you for the encouragement Mary. I need all of it I can get. I am aware now that I am focused on God that Satan will be focused on me.
You are SO welcome.
I so believe that is part of my mission. To be an encourager.