Heading south again today
It's very uncomfortable here, but my stuff is here. Kind of ironic. When you are surrounded by your stuff you are "home", but I'm not anymore.
The stuff is a trap - and I've been working on loosing that trap for the last couple of years, when physically able to do so, and now I have a huge opportunity to lose a great deal of it.
I'm leaving behind a great deal of stuff, and part of that kind of hurts a great deal. I can't really describe the pain, because it is both bad and good at the same time. The past is a big ball of pain, so getting rid of this stuff is freeing myself of the stuff that holds those memories, partially, but on the other hand, this is all that is left of my entire life's work.
And I have worked hard during my life - despite what my older daughter might say. I was a single mother - even during the time that I was still married, because he really didn't take much of a role in parenting or in the support of the family or household. Our marriage broke up just when they were entering puberty, and their entire teenage years were utter chaos.
From the time that my second daughter was 6 weeks old, I worked, and did everything that got done for the house, and paid for most of everything that got paid for the raising of the children and for the household in which they lived, without much help from their father.
I can't forget the past, but maybe letting go of more of the stuff that I have been carrying around with me since can help me to not think about it so much. I don't want to think about it, and it took years before I stopped thinking about my late husband all the time. It was a very gradual thing.
I can only hope that this will be it now. That I can recover while the girl is in high school, then she will go off to college and I can have some friends and maybe a life.
Who knows. But today, I head south. And only one more trip up here to go.
The stuff is a trap - and I've been working on loosing that trap for the last couple of years, when physically able to do so, and now I have a huge opportunity to lose a great deal of it.
I'm leaving behind a great deal of stuff, and part of that kind of hurts a great deal. I can't really describe the pain, because it is both bad and good at the same time. The past is a big ball of pain, so getting rid of this stuff is freeing myself of the stuff that holds those memories, partially, but on the other hand, this is all that is left of my entire life's work.
And I have worked hard during my life - despite what my older daughter might say. I was a single mother - even during the time that I was still married, because he really didn't take much of a role in parenting or in the support of the family or household. Our marriage broke up just when they were entering puberty, and their entire teenage years were utter chaos.
From the time that my second daughter was 6 weeks old, I worked, and did everything that got done for the house, and paid for most of everything that got paid for the raising of the children and for the household in which they lived, without much help from their father.
I can't forget the past, but maybe letting go of more of the stuff that I have been carrying around with me since can help me to not think about it so much. I don't want to think about it, and it took years before I stopped thinking about my late husband all the time. It was a very gradual thing.
I can only hope that this will be it now. That I can recover while the girl is in high school, then she will go off to college and I can have some friends and maybe a life.
Who knows. But today, I head south. And only one more trip up here to go.
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