head pressure feel awful

i can't get motivated. i feel so much pressure. i think about being dead and gone.. how peaceful it would be... but i want to see my first grandchild who is on the way. i love my wife and kids and don' t want to cause them any pain.. why can't lifes pressure just let up.?? i'm waiting for results of kidney test. had 3 phase ct yest. 1" growth on rt kidney..  want to feel good mentally. i feel pretty good physically... i want to see a therapist but feel like it is no good... life can really suck!