he was planning on leaving me for the cougars to eat
This last saturday my s.o. and I were on an outing in the wood, we were both drinking, and it was all good until he wanted to go to this different area of the woods, he was already pretty emotional, and I was trying just to sponge it all for him, and not react to his anger, as I usually do. But I end up getting us on a skid road, and I had a hard time turning our truck around. So he got out and by this time was calling me names and yelling at me for turning on the wrong road. I just kept quiet, I didn't say a word, I knew anything I said wasn't going to be heard anyway so I just stayed quiet.
Well he didn't see anywhere to turn around, but where we were parked to turn around and I was still in the driver seat. I got out and started to help him look, then I couldn't find anywhere either, and it was dark and we couldn't see behind us, and no flashlight. So I was in the driver seat, and he came up and opened the door and started yelling at me some more. He grabbed me by the shirt and told me to get out and that he was just going to leave me here and make me walk. Well I was thinking to myself, I guess I better start walking, and so I started off down the road and then he told me in his most kindest voice that he was sorry and that he needed me to get on the truck, of course I was driving, cause he never drives and has no good eyesight, plus he was drunk. So all of that together made me the candidate for the driver, plus I was not drinking for the last 2 hours of our day out there, so I was pretty sane by then.While I was driving, I was crying and hysterical because he had pulled me out of the car and I fell to the ground, which was cushioned by branches and leaves, but all the same my bracing caused me to have a sore shoulder and hip and knee. all the places I caught myself with.
So I was crying and I finally let my gaurd down and started yelling at him: why do I always do for you, and do for you, I would go to the ends of the earth for you, I would move heavan and earth for you if I could, but you still make it a point to treat me like shit, you were going to make me walk out here in the middle of the mtns and there are cougars out here and I could have been eaten alive by one, you tell me you love me, but how can someone who loves me leave me out in the woods with nothing but the clothes on my back. How can you sit there and never see how terrified, and broken hearted I am at this moment. I stopped the car and got out and walked a little ways down the road to compose myself, he came and held me and told me that he would never leave me out there in the woods.
I know he wouldn't because he would have to go back into our town and explain to everyone how he left me to walk all the way out there in the mtns. It was about 10 miles off the hwy and about 9-10 o clock at night. He couldn't for the life of himself say anything to redeem himself because he is a woodsman, he knows every inch of the reservation land, and there would be no way he could leave me out there. So hence I got a ride back to my house, and that was the end of our night.
We are still together, and it's by my choice, I still can't make myself leave him, I don't know why I choose to stay even after he treats me like this. I love him, is all I can say, I have this thin hope that he will change to treating me better,not. I don't know. I just posted here because I needed it documented somewhere that this is what happened, kind of like the index card exercise for me.
I know one day I will look back at this and see the tragedy I had to live. One day I will leave him, just not today.
Well he didn't see anywhere to turn around, but where we were parked to turn around and I was still in the driver seat. I got out and started to help him look, then I couldn't find anywhere either, and it was dark and we couldn't see behind us, and no flashlight. So I was in the driver seat, and he came up and opened the door and started yelling at me some more. He grabbed me by the shirt and told me to get out and that he was just going to leave me here and make me walk. Well I was thinking to myself, I guess I better start walking, and so I started off down the road and then he told me in his most kindest voice that he was sorry and that he needed me to get on the truck, of course I was driving, cause he never drives and has no good eyesight, plus he was drunk. So all of that together made me the candidate for the driver, plus I was not drinking for the last 2 hours of our day out there, so I was pretty sane by then.While I was driving, I was crying and hysterical because he had pulled me out of the car and I fell to the ground, which was cushioned by branches and leaves, but all the same my bracing caused me to have a sore shoulder and hip and knee. all the places I caught myself with.
So I was crying and I finally let my gaurd down and started yelling at him: why do I always do for you, and do for you, I would go to the ends of the earth for you, I would move heavan and earth for you if I could, but you still make it a point to treat me like shit, you were going to make me walk out here in the middle of the mtns and there are cougars out here and I could have been eaten alive by one, you tell me you love me, but how can someone who loves me leave me out in the woods with nothing but the clothes on my back. How can you sit there and never see how terrified, and broken hearted I am at this moment. I stopped the car and got out and walked a little ways down the road to compose myself, he came and held me and told me that he would never leave me out there in the woods.
I know he wouldn't because he would have to go back into our town and explain to everyone how he left me to walk all the way out there in the mtns. It was about 10 miles off the hwy and about 9-10 o clock at night. He couldn't for the life of himself say anything to redeem himself because he is a woodsman, he knows every inch of the reservation land, and there would be no way he could leave me out there. So hence I got a ride back to my house, and that was the end of our night.
We are still together, and it's by my choice, I still can't make myself leave him, I don't know why I choose to stay even after he treats me like this. I love him, is all I can say, I have this thin hope that he will change to treating me better,not. I don't know. I just posted here because I needed it documented somewhere that this is what happened, kind of like the index card exercise for me.
I know one day I will look back at this and see the tragedy I had to live. One day I will leave him, just not today.
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