He sent an email...
I dont know how to take this....
honesty and input greatly appreciated.
"Im sorry I couldnt reply sooner, I was interupted yesterday for a minor blackout. Which is part of the overall problem. I dont always have communications available to contact you, plus I am busier than hell since I have come back from leave and I dont always have a chance to get in here. It really did upset me that you doubted me, plus I told you if anything happened to me my best friend Mike would let you know. I just feel like we need to work more on getting know each other, I didnt get to know you for long enough before I left to I guess build a stronger foundation and being this far away is tough on both of us. I just feel like we need to start over fresh. I am going to be home in about 4 months and with as stressful as this deployment is, I dont want to worry about you thinking the wrong thing. I have no intention of bailing. I just think we need to work on communication mainly. If you do not think that is right or if you think I am being an a-hole, let me know. I just needed for you to support me and not be thinking anything negative, I have never put up with that from anyone, that kind of stuff is along the lines of drama, and I have more than enough of that here. If I am getting it from both sides of the world it is a bit much. I am sorry if I have upset you, it has never been my intention to."
honesty and input greatly appreciated.
"Im sorry I couldnt reply sooner, I was interupted yesterday for a minor blackout. Which is part of the overall problem. I dont always have communications available to contact you, plus I am busier than hell since I have come back from leave and I dont always have a chance to get in here. It really did upset me that you doubted me, plus I told you if anything happened to me my best friend Mike would let you know. I just feel like we need to work more on getting know each other, I didnt get to know you for long enough before I left to I guess build a stronger foundation and being this far away is tough on both of us. I just feel like we need to start over fresh. I am going to be home in about 4 months and with as stressful as this deployment is, I dont want to worry about you thinking the wrong thing. I have no intention of bailing. I just think we need to work on communication mainly. If you do not think that is right or if you think I am being an a-hole, let me know. I just needed for you to support me and not be thinking anything negative, I have never put up with that from anyone, that kind of stuff is along the lines of drama, and I have more than enough of that here. If I am getting it from both sides of the world it is a bit much. I am sorry if I have upset you, it has never been my intention to."
Replies
Eh. Me? I am not impressed, sorry.
I may be paranoid, given my personal history, but if he has no intent on bailing, why change his relationship status or start the drama to begin with? Sounds like he\'s just waiting for you to call him on his bs so he has an excuse to \"not put up with your negativity.\"
Sorry that you\'re going through this.
sorry, namaste...he sounds very evasive and defensive. his message is really vague and he is blaming YOU for \"misinterpreting\" his silence, a technique my X used at times when he was nowhere to be found and my son was in the ER. sorry. your call, but you asked for our feedback....you deserve a man who can take a clear stand and be accountable for his actions.
I have never put up with that from anyone...
Kind of sounds like he\'s \"grooming\" to put up with more bullshit and think twice about saying anything for fear of causing \"drama\". Isn\'t that how abuse kind of starts?? Living in fear of maybe upsetting the other, so one must walk on eggshells for fear of losing him???
Just my two cents.
I gotta agree with Bob68, Mr. I wanna Play Jay, is looking for you to announce his close resemblance to a sphincter muscle. ( I have no intention of bailing.) yet I (Jay) chose to change the relationship status on FB, hmmm interesting announcing no bail, while announcing to half the population that he is single, C\'mon dude, have some courage, I do not wish to slam him, as he is doing a fairly good job all on his own, dealing with combat, the complete and utter devastation of war, all things that create drama, a simple \"I\'m thinking of you\" would be suffice in keeping communication open. He wishes for no drama, excuse me, he has enlisted drama into his life. being a soldier plus dismissing any attempt to be completely honest with you, DRAMA, hell he is living it IMO and creating more with this last email. I commend you for wanting Jay, your ex-H, to be happy, but for your sake and your childs, concentrate on your well being, and forget the self doubt, easier said than done, sure. But just as the blow is struck against the fighters chin, so the counterpunch is launched , in retaliation and defense. Your much more worthy of more than Jay is willing to give at this point, JMO
I\'m not if I\'m understanding the reason for his giving you the silent treatment, because you asked him if he was ok? This is a bit concerning to me, as it seems as if he only wants to hear from you on his terms (most people would appreciate that), a way to control you, but I\'m not sure I am quite getting that? And then he some how found the time to change his status to single, but there was a blackout, that prevented him from contacting you?
Having said that, I don\'t know what all has been said and expressed between you two. We all go through our grumpy periods, I get that, but I\'d be watchful that this doesn\'t become a pattern. The lack of communication since his deployment, hard for me to comment on, as I know relationships in the military follow different rules....I know my self-esteam, insecurity in the relationship would not endure those longer periods of non-communication...
I am sorry you are going through this, and wish you find the peace soon...
What does your gut tell you?
I wouldn\'t say or do anything and wait and see what happens. That\'s his technique, he should know what to do with it.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, I really do appreciate them! My best friend has now renamed him as SGT DOUCHEBAG LOL
I was ok with it all by last night...and then I woke up ANGRY this morning.
Reading this reminds me of my ex- kind of narcisstic thinking- it seems everything has to be on his terms. And dropping you from FB is a clear message- whether or not he admits it. Pay attention to actions, not words.
WTF?????
Ok, he asks no questions in that so I would simply not respond. Um? Sounds to me like he can\'t handle someone actually caring about him(red flag). But he acts like he still wants you to wait(I\'ll be home in 4 months, we need to start over fresh) Yeah, whatever I simply would not respond and see what he does next.(if you want to)
But seriously, removing you from FB? He may need to grow the hell up! THAT I would take as your answer to it all. I mean, hell I still have pics of my ex on my FB.
Wow! I\'m sorry hun.
There\'s mixed messages in this email.
\"if you think I\'m being an Ahole...let me know\"
and \"I need you not to be thinking anything negative\"
So which one is it?
I\'d call him on that inconstancy. I\'d tell him that you Weren\'t doubting him, but that you Were feeling ignored. And that you don\'t feel like you were over-reacting, but just asking him how he felt.
That you Do understand him being stressed though, and were in no way trying to add to his stress.
Then I\'d see how he reacts.
It bothers me that he seems to be blaming you for his actions, making you accountable for what he did. Even more, it bothers me that there are, on quick count 24 \"I\'s\" and 8 \"you\'s\" in this email. It\'s all about him. He does not really acknowledge that you were part of a relationship, and that he seemed to forget about your half of it, and the effect of his actions on you. Calls it drama....wtf. YEAH, it\'s drama when he\'s at war, and can\'t take any time to ease the worry in your mind.
I\'m reading \"Unbroken\" at the moment, and the guys iin this book, during WWII, the way they dealt with pressure was to write their gf\'s, fiance\'s and wives every chance they got....not to cut off communication with them. Which seems to me the way it should be....
Too many red flags. Sorry... but way too many.
Hugs. I\'m so sorry he put you through this.