He's Gone Now.. so WHY am I Not Celebrating ????

 Logic tells Me that I " SHOULD BE " happy, and celebrating right now. BUT instead I feel sort of Numb. At least I thankfully haven't Cried since Yesterday - ( The Day He Left ). I was afraid that I'd be Constantly crying for Days after He left.
 His " Leaving " was MY CHOICE, but still It's Hurt so MUCH ! It's still felt almost as Bad as the Other Times He Left Me for Other Women. I still feel HeartBreak, and a Definite Sense of Loss. Besides that I can't help but WISH that Things has been Different between Him and I !
Is that STUPID OF ME ????? Especially After EVERYTHING He's put Me through in the Past - Distant, and Recent !??!?! OR... IS it Normal ???? IS it simply what ANYONE goes through when a Relationship - ( Good OR Bad ) - ENDS ????
 I'm 43... so You'd think I'd know More about LOVE and LIFE, but apparently I don't. At least I feel pretty Clueless right now. I'm TRYING HARD to Remain Confident in My Choice to Tell HIM that it was OVER between Him and I. It's Not Easy for Me... Not after I had made the BIG Mistake of " Giving IN " so MANY TIMES by Taking Him Back... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.. ETC.. !!! After giving in so Much, I suppose it's no Wonder that even NOW when This was MY CHOICE for HIM to LEAVE ME... I STILL HAVE SOME DOUBTS !
 I guess the BIG QUESTION will be.... " CAN I STAY STRONG, AND ABIDE BY MY DECISION - KNOWING IT WAS THE ' RIGHT ONE ' - EVEN WHEN/ OR IF HE TRIES TO GET ME TO TAKE HIM BACK ' AGAIN ' IN THE FUTURE ????!?!?!? "
 That Remains to be seen I suppose... since Only Time will Tell, as I HOPEFULLY become Stronger and Stronger in My Conviction as the Days Pass.
I HOPE and PRAY that I can be STRONG ENOUGH.