he's gone again from the journal of losinghopeelly
he's gone again..... Monday, February 27, 2012
He was in for a few days and it felt great to have him here. I hadn't seen him for over a month and he was able to pass through for a day and a half. But now he won't be home for another week and a half and then only home for a few days. It hurts so bad when he leaves I feel like I'm being abandoned every time he leaves. I know that he is driving truck for a living and that it supports our family but it just hurts so bad when he leaves me each and every time. The thing that is starting to hurt more is that our little guy is starting to realize what daddy's job means and today when we sent him off my son said "there goes daddy again". I'm usually a lot stronger through all this but I this time I'm not. Its really hard to control my emotions right now I feel like I am fighting a battle all my own. Not only do I have my issues with the pain management and being sick, but I also deal with the pressure of being a mom to a special needs child, taking care of the house and al that goes with that and then making sure that he is taken care of on the road so that he has enough to eat, etc. He comes home with a ton of laundry that needs to be done and is usually only home for a week. If only we had time to spend with just each other it would be great but there are so many things that need to be done when he comes home that we barely have enough time to spend with each and just when that rush feeling starts to go away he has to leave once again. I know its something he loves and wants to do but my heart is aching every time he leaves. When I am hurting and feeling bad is when I really miss him and need him the most and then he isn't there. I went through the surgery on my foot on my own, I mean my mother was here to help me but I really wanted him to be here. The last set of shots didn't work on my back and it hurts more today than when I started the shots. Looks like I am going to have to have the ablation on my nerve endings. I have a call into the doctor to see about it and if I can I am going to schedule it for when the hubby is in so that way I can be pampered and cared for by him. I think that is what I need the most is just to feel him hug me when I'm not feeling well and having him here for me when I need him the most. I'm going to my regular doctor tomorrow for the referral for the surgery and the hubby plans to be there for me a week or two after the surgery. I just wish this was over with already I wish I didn't miss him so much when he was gone. I just hate missing him and wanting to just curl up me and him. My little guy takes up so much time and so we don't really get to much time to ourselves when he is home. This next time he comes in we are going out of town overnight for the seminar on the surgery. The seminar is on a tuesday evening at 6 our time and it takes two hours to drive there. We are going to leave about 2:30 so that we have a little time to ourselves and then we are not going to check out until the last minute. Our little guy is going to spend the night with grandma and grandpa so it will truly be our time together. I am really looking forward to the adult time.
He was in for a few days and it felt great to have him here. I hadn't seen him for over a month and he was able to pass through for a day and a half. But now he won't be home for another week and a half and then only home for a few days. It hurts so bad when he leaves I feel like I'm being abandoned every time he leaves. I know that he is driving truck for a living and that it supports our family but it just hurts so bad when he leaves me each and every time. The thing that is starting to hurt more is that our little guy is starting to realize what daddy's job means and today when we sent him off my son said "there goes daddy again". I'm usually a lot stronger through all this but I this time I'm not. Its really hard to control my emotions right now I feel like I am fighting a battle all my own. Not only do I have my issues with the pain management and being sick, but I also deal with the pressure of being a mom to a special needs child, taking care of the house and al that goes with that and then making sure that he is taken care of on the road so that he has enough to eat, etc. He comes home with a ton of laundry that needs to be done and is usually only home for a week. If only we had time to spend with just each other it would be great but there are so many things that need to be done when he comes home that we barely have enough time to spend with each and just when that rush feeling starts to go away he has to leave once again. I know its something he loves and wants to do but my heart is aching every time he leaves. When I am hurting and feeling bad is when I really miss him and need him the most and then he isn't there. I went through the surgery on my foot on my own, I mean my mother was here to help me but I really wanted him to be here. The last set of shots didn't work on my back and it hurts more today than when I started the shots. Looks like I am going to have to have the ablation on my nerve endings. I have a call into the doctor to see about it and if I can I am going to schedule it for when the hubby is in so that way I can be pampered and cared for by him. I think that is what I need the most is just to feel him hug me when I'm not feeling well and having him here for me when I need him the most. I'm going to my regular doctor tomorrow for the referral for the surgery and the hubby plans to be there for me a week or two after the surgery. I just wish this was over with already I wish I didn't miss him so much when he was gone. I just hate missing him and wanting to just curl up me and him. My little guy takes up so much time and so we don't really get to much time to ourselves when he is home. This next time he comes in we are going out of town overnight for the seminar on the surgery. The seminar is on a tuesday evening at 6 our time and it takes two hours to drive there. We are going to leave about 2:30 so that we have a little time to ourselves and then we are not going to check out until the last minute. Our little guy is going to spend the night with grandma and grandpa so it will truly be our time together. I am really looking forward to the adult time.
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