he broke up with me?
im hurt. i feel alone. i feel numb. i dont know what to do. i dont have anywhere to go.
the other day, with him knowing about my gambling problem, and what i am doing to fix it, he decided to play match plays at work... after he got off early, saying he was sick. he played them, lost 20 bucks. i said, hey, thats a little inconsiderate, you could have at least asked me, or warned me of your intentions. he said sorry, but he isnt the one with the problem, and left. he apologized later for what he said. last night some things happened in the casino. the shift manager, was getting tips, from an employee playing at work. everyone was making all this money. well shift managers are not suposed to accept tips, its illegal. so is hustling tips. i was angry... every time i paid her, she would throw the shift money... and he would put it in his friends box.
major illegal. and major hustling, not just from the boss, but other dealers as well. my bf, asks if he can play his match plays when he got off, i said fine, he only had 15 bucks. he lost, then sat down at the table where all this stuff was going on. she buys a beer for him. ok. fine. next thing i know, he has 50 bucks and is playing on the table with her. she gave him money. i tried talking to him, telling him how i felt, and that it was wrong for him to even put himself in that situation.
he basically calls me an irrational bitch. says he is through with me. says i was just mad cause i didnt make any money. and says we will see who gets fired.
a couple weeks ago, he jokingly said when we were figuring out who was picking up baby, that i should, cause its not his baby, or good thing she's not my responsibility or something like that. and again didnt see why it upset me so much. its not something you joke about.
i should have stayed single. it should always be just me and my daughter.
we have talked, and set goals, and none of them met. we said things we were going to do each day. and it lasts one day.
i dont want to be alone... im scared. i love him... but sometimes love isnt enough...
how can i compromise when i feel that if i dont take care of things, that nothign will get done, when i feel that the whole future of the family is up to me?
he is so much better than he used to be... but i dont think he wants to be. so im alone now. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to get my point across.ill stop trying. everyone else does.
the other day, with him knowing about my gambling problem, and what i am doing to fix it, he decided to play match plays at work... after he got off early, saying he was sick. he played them, lost 20 bucks. i said, hey, thats a little inconsiderate, you could have at least asked me, or warned me of your intentions. he said sorry, but he isnt the one with the problem, and left. he apologized later for what he said. last night some things happened in the casino. the shift manager, was getting tips, from an employee playing at work. everyone was making all this money. well shift managers are not suposed to accept tips, its illegal. so is hustling tips. i was angry... every time i paid her, she would throw the shift money... and he would put it in his friends box.
major illegal. and major hustling, not just from the boss, but other dealers as well. my bf, asks if he can play his match plays when he got off, i said fine, he only had 15 bucks. he lost, then sat down at the table where all this stuff was going on. she buys a beer for him. ok. fine. next thing i know, he has 50 bucks and is playing on the table with her. she gave him money. i tried talking to him, telling him how i felt, and that it was wrong for him to even put himself in that situation.
he basically calls me an irrational bitch. says he is through with me. says i was just mad cause i didnt make any money. and says we will see who gets fired.
a couple weeks ago, he jokingly said when we were figuring out who was picking up baby, that i should, cause its not his baby, or good thing she's not my responsibility or something like that. and again didnt see why it upset me so much. its not something you joke about.
i should have stayed single. it should always be just me and my daughter.
we have talked, and set goals, and none of them met. we said things we were going to do each day. and it lasts one day.
i dont want to be alone... im scared. i love him... but sometimes love isnt enough...
how can i compromise when i feel that if i dont take care of things, that nothign will get done, when i feel that the whole future of the family is up to me?
he is so much better than he used to be... but i dont think he wants to be. so im alone now. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to get my point across.ill stop trying. everyone else does.
Replies
You are never alone. There must be something or someone that is looking after you. It\'s hard to see, but we all have someone who is looking after us. You should be grateful that you have your daughter. I think it will be good if you could sort out your addiction: gambling and also this man who is making you suffer and then, give your child some quality time. Children are a big responsibility. There are many women out there that have been capable to look after their families and I think you will be able to do the same.
Love should be enough. If you love yourself, you would be able to do so many things. Start loving yourself first and good things will come to you.
Ask yourself if your father ever changed and then, let yourself know if this guy will change???
Thanks. we talked and are going to try to work on things. i dunno. i dunno if i should prepare for the worst. but then that seems negative.
Wow you sure are getting triggered on a lot of different levels. My wish for you is that you could get away from that job. I understand that it seems impossible right now but just try to be open to it.
Just ask the Universe to bring change into your life. Change that is for your highest and greatest good (don\'t forget that).
When you are getting hit by so many things: work, roommate issues, romantic issues. The unvierse is desperately trying to get your attention and bring you to a place of healing.
I hope that happens soon, so we don\'t have to keep jumping thru these loops of hard core lessons.
well, i did manage to get my schedule changed. so i only have to work one day with that specific manager. and i wont have to be paying a babysitter much anymore. just like one day a week, i will get to spend time with my daughter. she wont be gone all weekend anymore... yay. austin has been pleasant today. and payin attention to me, so thats nice. so today is leagues better than the other day at least.
You\'re not alone, I\'m here! :) Just stay calm, don\'t stress out. Things will work themselves out in time.