HE agreed to talk....
ok, i have called him twice over the past couple weeks. usually after a bad dream, and today i sent him a text message saying we needed to talk, that we cant just run away from this and pretend it isnt happening, and that we can do it the easy way, or the hard way. first he asked what is there to talk about? that he is sorry that he has done this to me and to us, and he dont know what else to do for this, and that there is nothing to do. He gave me the lines of how he cant fight anymore, that there isnt another option, cause i called his command and now he has nothing, and he thanked me for his having nothing, i dont know what he meant by that. his conversations are contradicting, it seems he might have a brief moment where he would open up to me and actually talk... then its back to being all about him. im scared. i dont know if i have made a mistake. part of me still wants him, still wants a family. i just want at least for him to try... if it dont work, then it dont work, but at least i wont feel abandoned, i will have something i can live with, and move on from... and i think the dreams would stop then. and the feeling like i am hanging off a cliff from a thin unsecure rope. i hope this works. im scared, and exited. of course there is that part of me that hopes he will see me and have feelings for me and the baby, and be willing to try to work things out. its so simple really, he see's his navy in the way.and feels that i have done something horrible to him by getting them involved, but i really had no options, i didnt know what to do. they were helpful when i lost our first baby, so i called them. all he has to do is say, she is having my baby, we want to go to counseling... we want to at least try to be civil. they would support him. i really need opinions... am i being stupid? why do i feel better that he agreed to talk to me? maybe cause i feel validated a little. like i was worth sending the message to. i dont know. ultimately this is about the baby. i want to know what his plans are, if he wants anything to do with the baby or not, if he would sign over FULL custody to me. if he wants anything to do with it, cause i am going to have to create a will, in case something happens to me. i would let him sign over his rights off the bat, but i need the money while i am in school. any opinions? advice? anything please... thank you.... you all are so wonderful.
Replies
You are not being stupid. He can\'t duck out of his responsibilities. But make sure you meet him in a safe place. Have others around. And, going to the Navy was the right thing. They will make sure he \"steps up\", whether he wants to or not. Now what does this all mean for you two as a pair... I don\'t know. But, I hope that your child done right by. And, that you get any help you need.
Maybe you feel better because you\'re thinking with your heart, but is he? You are the baby\'s mother and you are in control. What you want is important; what he wants is in second place. We were here before....you and the baby are first...no matter what...as bad as it may feel to you now, he is not important for your future unless he runs after you...don\'t chase him...
more hugs.
I agree with Olderdragon, you need to be in control of this situation. You have yourself and your wee baby to look after now - he is secondary to all that, but he does have responsibilities to take care of. Best of luck my friend. x
Sweet Heart, slow down a bit. You\'re pregnant, I know you know that, but you need to slow down and take care of yourself and the baby. No one can predict what the babies dad is going to talk to you about. All you can do is patiently wait to find out what he has to say. Try to just listen. You\'re looking way to forward, take your pregnancy one day at a time. Let it be all about you and the baby. Do whatever it takes to stay positive, for yourself and the baby. One detail at a time, okay? Slow down and take care, Love, Robin
Take or leave this \"advice\". Be careful before you have him sign away rights. In some states, the only way you can get assistance is to agree to push the father for child support - I think.
I don\'t think it hurts to talk. Try not to look for things to be fixed right away. It would be nice if that could happen, but I\'d say take it slow, just agree to talk and keep the communication lines open without putting your heart on the line. Have no expectations or hopes (if you can do that - I know its hard).
I\'m now remarried but and my children\'s father had joint custody while they were minors- my lawyer had some good advice I thought - he said it would be good for the boys to have a relationship with their dad (he wasn\'t abusing drugs or alcohol- that would be a game changer) and I was young yet and I would like to have a life besides just my life with my child. Then, if he has better health care for the child you have that option too. The child has a Dad and maybe another set of grandparents - most grandparents are nice to have.
But please don\'t get married or stay in the relationship \"for the child\" - I did that and ended up divorced later anyway. It isn\'t better for the kids, trust me. They need their parents to be happy and responsible.
Love you sweetie. Hugs, Deb